You're Such a Gorgeous Gamer!
by MoustacheMafiaMember
Summary: Suzume... a regular girl who has a few parental issues. However, one day everything changes and she suddenly finds herself irrevocably changed. She runs, and along the way meets someone she might love. But, everything seems to turn her world upside down and she is distraught. Can love save her? MelloxNear as well as MattxOC
1. It Begins with a Curse

I sat and glared at the computer screen, accusing it with my eyes. Why do all of these games have to be so damn easy?

"Suzume? Time for dinner sweetie." My mother called up the stairs. I glowered at my computer one last time before retreating down the stairs. I arrived at the dinner table, and promptly sat down, barely making a sound when I tucked my chair back in.

"Is father not home yet?" I asked, without even glancing at the table. My mother scowled.

"Why is it always about your father with you? Can't you just be grateful you still have me?" Mother lashed her words at me like a whip. Instead of wincing, I remained emotionless. I was used to this. My mother suffered from a personality disorder, but I don't know what. It's… well, it's too much for a 14 year old to deal with.

"You know what? Go to bed! Now! I don't want to see you! I'm so sick of you! You can go hungry for all I care!" My mother cursed my existence yet again. I was getting sick of this.

"Shut up! For once in your life, think about me!" I shouted at her. I was at my wits end. Why does she always blame me for the problems in her marriage?

My mother advanced on me and slapped me hard, drawing blood. I took it in my stride. It's not like this was uncommon. There was nothing I could do except take it and get revenge some other way. The last time I made her hair go bright blue and she got fired from her job. It's not like we're poor, so we survived.

"Just because you're adopted doesn't mean you get to act like a brat!" She retorted.

I felt my blood run cold. I was… adopted? I suppose it makes sense. I mean, I have ginger hair and flat black eyes. My 'mother' has blonde hair and bright blue eyes, my 'step-father' a brunette with emerald eyes. Realistically, there's no way I am their child.

But… still.

"I… I'm going to bed now. Night." I stumbled up the stairs, holding my hand to my face, tears leaking out of the corner of my eyes. I needed to get away…before something happened to me.

I woke up in a cold sweat, a nightmare plaguing my thoughts. I sat up and held my knees close to my chest, holding in the shivers that threatened to wrack my body. Suddenly, I heard soft footsteps advancing towards my closed door. I quickly lay down and pretended to sleep.

"Suzume, you little wretch. I'll sort out my problem, then I can be free!" someone whispered. I opened one eye slowly, glancing at the person. It was… mother. And… she held a butchers knife.

Oh, god… she's finally going to do it.

What could I do?

The footsteps got closer and closer to the bed. I was so scared. I felt fear pulsate through my tiny body… my blood was pumping through my veins, soon to be leaking on the floor if I didn't act.

But… I don't want to kill her.

I have no one to call… no one to turn to. I have to save myself.

I saw the knife get closer and closer to my throat. An evil chuckle echoed through the room. She brought the knife down my body, not touching my delicate skin. She hovered over my chest and dug it in.

I screamed loudly, the pain excruciating. I hadn't acted quick enough.

And now…? My reward was death.

She carved a heart into my chest, the blood staining the knife.

"You're gonna die Suzume…slowly and painfully…" she whispered maliciously into my ear. The heart bled into my white night gown, staining a crude design.

All of a sudden, she grasped her chest, her breathing coming out in shallow gasps. My eyes widened, the knife clattering to the floor. However, she still had some strength left.

"I hate you! I hope you die! So, I curse you! And it can never be broken! I curse you… curse you that your true love will die! Everyone around you, gone!" she screamed at me, her body writhing in death throes.

Blood splattered onto my face. She had stabbed herself in the chest, creating a bloody mess. I stood up, my vision blurring, growing dizzier by the second, and ran out of the house, as quickly as I could.

The last thing I saw before I passed out was a red haired man, with a Nintendo in his hand, his eyes glowing in the darkness.

I woke up on a white bed, in a green bedroom. At first, I was disorientated and scared. How..? Why am I here? I'm sure I fell asleep in my hello kitty bed…

Then, my mind slowly came to terms with my situation. I _remembered. _I cast a quick look down at my chest. I noticed two things. One: I had no top on. Two: I had bandages around my chest.

I raised my heavy arms to touch the bandages on my chest. I winced from the pain. It was like being stabbed all over again. I closed my eyes, trying to think of who my real parents were. My mother… completely unknown. But… I'm sure I remember my father. I'm sure his name was…

Hmm…

Someone knocked on the door.

"Come in!" I shouted as loudly as I could… which was still rather pathetic.

A boy walked in. He had…red hair. In one hand he held a Nintendo. I sat straight up, yelling out loud in pain.

Suddenly, blood started leaking through the bandages.

"Young lady? Are you okay?" The boy asked worriedly. I responded with a grunt. He walked over to me, pressing my shoulders down.

"Don't…don't touch me." I whispered quietly. Ever since my mother had started abusing me, I'd had difficulties with human contact. Of any sort.

"What's your name?" The boy asked me, his intense emerald eyes boring into mine for a split second.

"Suzume. Yours?" I asked politely. He smiled widely.

"Matt." He responded, smirking. "Think someone's gonna have to fix you up before you bleed to death. I'll call Roger."

I nodded, not knowing what he was on about. Matt picked up his Nintendo and walked out of the door, leaving it slightly ajar. I lay down on the pillows, wondering if they had duck feathers in them. I hope they don't kill ducks for their feathers. Cause that would be awful.

A man with a hunch walked into my room. Instinctively, I played dead, lying completely still with a vacant look in my eyes. The man shuffled towards my bed and put his hand on my shoulder. I jerked away like I had been electrocuted.

"Who…are you?" I asked hesitantly. I was scared of adults. I mean, he seemed alright but… I couldn't afford to be hasty.

The man looked at me, his onyx eyes almost challenging mine. His black hair was artfully spiked, in a way that screamed _metrosexual._

"Me? I am Ryuzaki… or L." He responded arrogantly, expecting me to have heard of him.

I looked at him, confused, pulling the blanket closer around me for comfort. 'L' removed his hand off of my shoulder and stared me dead in the eye, in such a manner it was impossible for me to look away.

"Suzume… I am your father."


	2. My Forte

My heart beat pounded in my head. Was this stranger telling the truth? Could I trust him?

Was he really my father? Granted, we have the same eyes. But this is Japan. A lot of people have eyes like mine and his.

"Are you… being serious?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Yes, Suzu. It's me." He said, his tone warming slight. My face broke in a huge grin. A memory that I had of my father had now become clear again.

"I…remember now." I reminisced, a dazed look in my eyes. I reached towards me and he walked over, hugging my fragile body. Then, after a fleeting moment, he pulled away. He placed his thumb in his mouth and looked at me with curiosity.

"You're bleeding." My dad, L, said. I nodded, even though I didn't think it was a question.

There was a knock on the door before it swung inwards. I saw two people enter the room, one who was old and that boy from before. Matt, I think his name was. The old man had bandages in his hands and Matt carried a first aid kit underneath his Nintendo. The old man stood at my bedside and smiled. It was then I noticed that L had left. Strangely enough this didn't bother me.

"I'm Roger, Suzume. And this is Wammy's House. I'd like it if you would stay here for a while. Just until your safe again." Roger smiled warmly at me.

"Yeah. Stay in the house for geniuses." Matt popped up at the other side of my bed. I stared at him, bewildered. He shrugged his shoulders and sat on a chair, playing his Nintendo.

"5 moves until Pikachu defeats Gyrados." I said. Matt looked up at me, shocked.

"What move sequences am I going to make?" Matt asked.

"Pikachu will use thunder, which will take up two turns, then electric shock, which will almost finish the Gyrados. Before the electric shock you will use a health potion to heal Pikachu, as Gyrados will use earthquake. Then, the last move will be an aquatic pokeball." I spoke quickly, excited. Matt's eyes widened.

"That… was exactly what I was going to do." Matt's voice was astounded. Whilst I was making this prediction Roger had changed my bandages. I found it strange that I hadn't noticed him changing them.

"What number am I thinking of?" Roger asked. I scrutinised him.

"Logically, it will be a number between one and ten. It will never be one or ten as they are obvious numbers to pick. Therefore it is most likely 3 or 7. 3 is a magic number, supposedly, so I would say 3" I smiled. Roger nodded.

"Guess you're suited to be here." Matt commented.

"Impressive. I'll see you later Suzume." Roger nodded at Matt before taking his leave. I shifted in the bed and motioned for Matt to sit down.

"Why?" He asked sullenly.

"I want to watch you play games. I love games!" I spoke enthusiastically. "To be honest, being awesome at games is my forte!"

Matt raised an eyebrow.

"I challenge you to Minecraft… whoever can build a two story house out of cobblestone with four windows and an iron door first wins!"

6 hours later

"Hahaha I kicked your arse!" I yelled, pushing Matt off the bed by accident.

"Ow that hurt!" He exclaimed. I giggled before apologising.

"Still…my house is better!" I stuck my tongue out at him after saying this. He pouted and stood up. Then, I thought of something.

"Hey, Matt?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, what?" He sulked.

"I said I was sorry!" I yelled.

"Yeah yeah whatever. What were you gonna ask?" He cast his emerald eyes in my direction. I swallowed before responding.

"Why aren't you going back to your room?" I asked, as politely as possible. Then, he laughed, loudly and raucously. I didn't laugh.

"What's so funny?" I demanded. He stopped laughing, lay down next to me, and looked me dead in my obsidian eyes.

"Well… you're in my room." He smiled at me. "And I'm either gonna have to sleep in the bed with you, or go to Mello's room and hear about him raving about Near… or chocolate."

He groaned. I laughed. His expression was so cute!

Wait… did I really just think that? Oh well.

"Why don't you invite Mello over here?" I asked.

"Because he has like, three beds in his room and I have this one." Matt explained.

"Well tell him to get his shit together and bring a bed into here!" I shouted exuberantly. Matt pondered a minute.

"Good idea. I guess I'm gonna have to help him." Matt sighed, resigned. He put his Nintendo on the bed. "Play that if you want."

And with that, he left. I looked at the Nintendo and played it for five minutes. I would have continued, but it hurt too much to move that much.

Then, I had an idea.

"_hush! Don't speak a word, about the dreams that I live for! It hurts to reach you when I'm down don't speak again! (I'm still waiting for my turn) It hurts to reach you when I'm down…" _I sang, my voice angelic. I've always been complimented for my singing voice. I'm just glad it decided to work.

I looked at the door and listened intently for the sound of Matt and this Mello person moving beds. Or whatever they're doing. I don't know anymore.

"_Take my hand, grip it tightly (Don't let go!). I promise pain will pass you silently, silently. Take my hand, grip it tightly. With your neck, I'll kiss you violently, violently." _I sang the chorus, because it sounded so pretty.

Then, my ribs started to uncontrollably throb. I made a small noise, indicating I was in pain. I heard the door open and saw Matt's face. He took one look at my pitiful state and dashed over.

"Suzume! What's wrong?" He asked, leaning down to me. I shook my head. "Don't pretend you're fine when you're not!"

"I don't know. My ribs hurt." I stated calmly. Matt looked at me, sorrow in his beautiful spring depths, before hugging me.

It was awkward, yeah, but it was the feeling and emotions behind it which mattered.

"I hope you get better soon, liebling." He said. I smirked, ruining the moment. (German for darling)

"I appreciate your German… lieber." I retorted teasingly. He just glared, before helping Mello bring a spare bed into the room. (German for lover)

"I'm Mello." Mello said, glancing at me. Then, his cheeks went pink, then red.

"Oh god, she's got no top on, she's cute, and she's a girl…" Mello muttered to himself. I decided to pretend I didn't hear it.

"Tell me about it," Matt whispered to Mello, "She's probably the only girl I've felt like this for."

With this last comment, my cheeks went pink. Yeah, I'm not a big believer in love at first sight… but I'm willing to convert.

I sighed to myself, swinging my aching legs off the side of the bed and, painfully, making my way towards them.

"Can I help?" I asked innocently. The boys looked at me, their faces a mix of perverted thoughts and worry.

"You should be lying down!" Matt yelled at me.

"But I'm fi-" I said, before my ribs started aching again. Matt caught me as I fell, clutching my ribs. He lowered me onto the floor. I tugged at my bandages, loosening them.

"Help me?" I asked imploringly. Matt nodded, grasping my bandages.

"Mello… can I squeeze your hand when it hurts?" I asked. "I know I've just met you…but…" Mello nodded solemnly and put his hand out begrudgingly.

"I want some chocolate for this." He muttered. I smiled.

"I'll make you some." I promised. His eyes widened.

"You know how to _make _chocolate?" He questioned excitedly. I nodded. "I love you." I giggled, my ribs hurting just a little more.

Matt gripped the bandages and unwound them completely, revealing the bloody mess that was the wound, so close to my heart it should have been fatal. The carved heart was neat, but it would be an ugly scar. I closed my eyes and squeezed Mello's hand. He didn't even look.

I don't even think Matt registered that he was seeing my chest…

~Matt's thoughts~

_Oh, god, I'm looking at her chest. Uhm, don't stare at her tits… focus, dude. This is a serious matter. Still… beats porn. Well… pretty much anything beats that, even Near. Focus! Wrap the bandages around her chest… her chest… I'm going to hell._

~Matt's thought's ended~

Well, he is a boy so I don't even know.

Matt finished wrapping the bandages and I let go of Mello's hand.

"My god are you _trying _to break my hand?!" Mello shrieked. I laughed and shook my head.

"Much better now. Thanks, Matt!" I said, standing up, kissing him on the cheek. He blushed before picking me up bridal style and placing me on the bed.

I grabbed the bottom of his stripy top.

"You can sleep next to me if you want." I smiled through my words. Matt looked at Mello.

"Dude, she just asked you to sleep with her, don't say no!" Mello said, exasperated. I started giggling uncontrollably. "What's up with you?"

"I don't do more than two people!" I managed between laughs. Mello and Matt looked at me, their eyes wide.

"Oh come on! I'm allowed to have a dirty mind! Now…let's just go and sleep." I said, slumping on the pillows, wincing a little.

Matt walked over to the light switch and he turned it off. Then, he took off his shirt and walked over to the bed, steadily lowering himself in.

"Night." Mello grunted.

"Night." Said Matt.

"Night night! Don't let-"

"Suzume bite!" Mello interrupted me. I groaned, stifling laughter. I say Mello's form shaking before going still.

"He sleeps easily, doesn't he?" I muttered to myself. Matt nodded, agreeing.

He slept on one side and I slept on the other side of the bed.

All I'm saying is I'll only end up kicking him, physically, out of the bed!


	3. Quiet Departure

I woke up, stretching a little. Man, my arms were so stiff! I cast a look beside me, my eyes seeking Mello's face. Instead, I was greeted with the sleeping face of Matt… drooling on a pillow. I giggled, stifling it as much as I could.

I lay back down, sighing with boredom. I wanted to pull a prank, but I can't move! I looked down at my body, noticing Matt's arms carelessly strewn across my chest. He was lucky he wasn't touching the two off limit fruits on my chest! Then, I got a kinky idea. I know I shouldn't do it but… you know when you get an idea, and you know it's wrong, but you do it anyways?

Well, I leaned down, breathing on Matt's exposed neck.

"Hmm… Suzume…" Matt muttered in his sleep. I decided to play along.

"Mmm… give it to me harder." I whispered seductively, barely keeping in the giggles. Matt closed his mouth and smiled, murmuring to himself a bit more. I placed my lips on his neck, kissing him at first.

"Pssh! Mello!" I stage whispered, being careful not to wake Matt. I threw a pillow off him.

"Hnn? What?!" Mello glared at me. I giggled, pointing to Matt, and mouthed _watch this!_

Mello watched curiously. I kissed Matt's neck again, carefully biting the tender skin there, giving him a hickey.

_Give me a pen! _I mouthed at Mello. He threw me a permanent marker, which had undoubtedly been in his pants. I shuddered. I don't even want to _think _where it's been and what it's seen. I drew a moustache, a curly stereotypical Italian moustache, on his face, including Harry Potter glasses.

Then, for the finale, I bit Matt's neck, on the spot where a huge, noticeable hickey had formed. Matt leapt up out of the bed.

"Ah!" He yelled, rubbing his eyes with sleep. Mello caught a full view of the ink on Matt's face… and the gigantic hickey present on his neck. I chuckled into my hand, covering my light pink blush.

"Dude… you look…tired." Mello chose his words carefully, trying not to laugh. Matt glowered at Mello, who was threatening to crack up any moment. Luckily, he was saved by Roger.

"Suzume, Matt…Mello?" Roger shook his head in confusion. "Breakfast time!"

After his announcement, Roger left. However, outside of the room you heard his laughter ricocheting off the walls. Matt blushed then looked at me. I smiled innocently.

Needless to say, Matt discovered the pen at breakfast. The hickey, however… well, no one pointed it out so it took him a day to figure it out.

One year later

"Mello! Get your chocolate eating ass in here!" I yelled, knocking on his door loudly until he opened it.

"What do you want, Suzume?" Mello asked, irritated. I grabbed his ass.

"You baby. But right now? For you to come to Matt's room for a sleepover." I said, teasingly. Mello blushed, trying to hide it. I grinned.

"Yeah, whatever. I'll be there in half an hour." Mello spoke slowly.

"Oh yeah, just finish wanking first!" I teased, running to Matt and I's room before he hit me. I giggled, slamming the door and startling Matt.

"What did you say to him?" Matt asked, pausing his game. I laughed loudly and told Matt. He held a hand up for a high five, then drew me into a hug. I blushed furiously.

You see, I've had feelings for him for a year now. I'm positive now that I _love _him. The only problem is, I'm not even sure if he likes me back. It tears my heart apart to think thoughts like this, so I don't, most of the time. I went to pull away, reluctantly. I didn't want to, but I was conscious of his feelings too. Recently, though, he does seem to want to be closer to me. However… am I just replaying my dreams and pretending that they're reality?

"Suzume…humour me a little longer." Matt whispered in my ear. I held onto him tighter. He held me delicately yet tightly, as if I were as fragile as glass. Matt drew back slightly and my heart skipped a beat. He was holding me, yet I could see his beautiful emerald eyes twinkling at me like the most radiant constellation.

He leaned down, his mouth a hair's breadth away from mine. I closed my eyes in anticipation, hoping that I would feel his lips on mine.

His lips had only slightly touched mine when the door burst open and he pulled back, still holding me in his arms, as if protecting me from the person charging in.

"Hey g- woah woah woah what the fuck dude? Whatever. Change of plan! We're doing a night in heaven in the dining hall so move your asses!" Mello ordered us out, shooing us out of our own room.

I grumbled, knowing that luck was against me, and I would get someone like Near. Jeez, that kid scares me sometimes. However, we do click on a fundamental level. Our intelligence cancels the other out. We are the perfect match for each other, and always meet a strategic stalemate, using similar moves and tactics. When presented with a dummy case, we both met the same conclusion, in the same amount of time, with the same ideas, similar strategies. I'm just more into video games whereas he excels in board games and such likes.

"Move bitches!" Mello yelled. I swivelled, grabbing Mello's choker and tugging it slightly. He gulped.

"You know that you're _my _bitch, right?" Mello nodded. I kissed his cheek, laughing, and linked arms with Matt. He looked jealous, so I kissed his cheek as well. Matt, however, blushed the darkest scarlet yet continued, pretending it had never happened and that he wasn't blushing. I thought long and hard; so caught up in my daydreams I was completely oblivious to the outside world. I swear the corridor was never ending. I hadn't heard from my father in… a while. Last I heard, he was on the Kira case and had apprehended someone. No! I'm wrong! The last I heard was he had moved in a flashy building with two people convicted of being Kira. Also, and this is top secret stuff so shoosh, I know that another Kira called Higuchi was apprehended but he killed himself. I really hope L is okay…

5 minutes later

"Pick an object, Suzume." Near said, his tone bored. I smiled kindly at him, picking an object out of the colander. It was a video game. I had strategically picked it. It was Pokémon black.

"Come on Matt!" I shouted exuberantly, leading him to our room. It was the designated room. Plus, everyone knew of my crush-turned-love on Matt, so no one seemed to care. I plugged in the Xbox.

"I challenge you to gun game, Modern Warfare 3, online mode!" I yelled, pointing at Matt. Matt smiled, obliging.

"Game on!" Matt pumped his fist in the air. "I'll be ShiGami1969 and you'll be…?"

"GeorgeousGamerX3" I responded automatically, then grinned, taking the pink controller. "Let's go!"

~In the Dining Hall~

"Pssh! You guys! Gather round and watch the lovebirds!" Mello announced, gathering people around the television.

"What's happening?" One girl asked. Mello grinned.

"We placed secret cameras in the room so we can black mail them later." Near explained emotionlessly.

There was a collective sigh of realisation.

"So watch the spectacle!" Mello demanded. Needless to say, everyone in Wammy's House gathered around…

~back to the room!~

"I wonder what the others are doing…" I murmured aimlessly. Matt shrugged, his undivided attention fixated on the game. As it stood, we were both on an equal level. I knew that I had the upper hand. We had agreed no knifing, as it just hindered our progress and was a dirty tactic. I spied Matt's character around the corner and smirked.

We were both on the 20th weapon.

I shot the ballistic knife directly at his chest and it hit home, scoring me the point.

"YES!" I jumped for joy. "I _knew _it!"

Matt glared at me, seeing me jumping on our bed, and tackled me onto the bed.

"Now who's winning?" Matt spoke softly. I grinned at him, flipping him so he was on the bottom. I braced my arms on either sides of his head.

"Me." I stuck my tongue out at him, which he licked. "Ew!" It came out as a squeak, which proved highly amusing for Matt. Eventually, I began to laugh along with him, until we both realised our situation. Matt gazed into my eyes, his forest coloured eyes softening. I brought my head closer to his. He placed his hands on my cheeks, stroking them. Then, he grasped my head and brought my lips to his.

It was my first kiss. I was blushing, and didn't know what to do. It was kind of awkward, until Matt broke the kiss, smiling at me. Then, I kissed him again, and all the awkwardness had disappeared. My lips followed his lead, leading me in a perfect rhythm that made my heart dance for him.

"Matt…" I stroked his crimson hair, the soft locks slipping through my fingers.

"Suzume… I think… that… I love you…so, will you be mine?" Matt stuttered, catching his breath. I smiled kindly back at him.

"Yes…" I sealed the deal with another kiss. Although, this time it was short and sweet, because he had something to say.

"I knew from the moment I met you that you were special, my angel." Matt murmured sweetly in my ear. I rolled off of him, lying next to him. He put his arms around me, hugging me tightly. I closed my eyes, resting my head on his chest.

"Matt? I love you too." I said, before I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

Tomorrow afternoon

Somehow, everyone knew that Matt and I were a couple. I had a sneaky suspicion that Mello had something to do with it. Although, I had no way of proving it. Sly bastard.

Mello strode out of Rogers office, looking incredible aggravated. I gave him a questioning look, to which he shook his head.

"We need to talk." Mello said, dragging me to his room. I stepped across the threshold, hoping I lived to regret it.

"Listen…I'm leaving. Soon. For real this time. Want to come with?" Mello asked, randomly. I physically recoiled.

"What… what are you planning?" I asked. Mello shook his head.

"Suzume? I need a word, darling." Roger called. I blinked slowly. Roger only called people 'darling' when he was going to tell me bad news. I know that I wasn't picked to help with the Kira case, but that's not too devastating…is it?

"Matt will be waiting outside…you're gonna need him." Mello whispered. I stared at him, confused, yet I walked to Roger's office and entered regardless.

"I have some news, sweetie. It's about L." Roger said, his tone flat and emotionless. My eyes sparkled with the prospect of hearing about my dad.

"Is he well? Has he captured Kira yet?" I asked excitedly. Roger didn't meet my eyes.

"Honey… L is dead." Roger spoke softly, his tone morose. My eyes widened. My whole world had just shattered. Once, when L had visited, he had promised me two things: _Suzume… I vow two things. One: I will catch Kira. Two: I will come back for you, and you can be my second in command._

"W…What?" I whispered. Roger looked at me sympathetically.

"Watari is deceased as well. It looks like Kira got them." Roger looked down at his desk again. I turned around, tears stinging my eyes, and ran out of the room.

"Suzume, wait!" Matt yelled after me. I tore down the corridor, searching for the kitchen.

There was no one in there today. I knew that for a fact. Everyone but Mello, Near, Matt and I were out on some sort of trip. None of us wanted to go. In lieu of that, the kitchen staff were on a paid day off. I reached into the cutlery drawer, lyrics running through my head.

_I don't like scars but I'm good with a knife…_ I thought, _is it time for me, also, to depart from this world?_

I took my shirt off, looking at the heart shaped scar on my chest. The tears running down my cheeks splashed onto it, reminding me of that bloody night. I held the knife, my intention to cut, to make myself hurt, to make myself forget.

Then, I felt someone grab my arm from behind, grabbing my hand and disarming me.

"No…don't, Suzu. You are the only reason I'm still alive." Matt whispered to me, the cigarette dropping out of his mouth, hitting the floor, discarded and replaced. By me. Selfish old me.

I turned around and wept into his shirt, holding him tightly.

What lovely news I received.

Especially as it is my birthday.

_Now I realise, I'm destroying my life…_


	4. Escape Artist

I looked into Matt's watery eyes, realising how much I truly meant to him. It only sunk in that I was topless when I felt the chilly air on my bare skin.

"Matt?" I asked slowly.

"Yeah?" He responded. I pondered for a minute.

"Do you have anything you're… hiding from me? Something to do with Mello?" I asked again, staring deep into his emerald eyes. His eyes flickered, tearing his beautiful depths away from mine. He nodded, not offering an explanation. I swallowed, my eyes glittering with tears.

"I… I'll talk to Mello in the morning. I just want to sleep, today." I whispered, taking his hand. He looked down at me, sorrow and regret in his eyes. Then, I noticed something.

"You _knew _that L was dead, didn't you?" I pointed an accusatory finger at him, to which he said nothing. I bit my lip, turning away from him. Right now, I didn't want him anywhere _near me. _It really hurt that he knew and _said nothing_.

Really, though… who was I to blame him? Really, it was Roger's fault for neglecting to mention it to L's own flesh and blood first.

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, making a beeline for the living room. I didn't want to sleep in the same bed as Matt, for fear I would have a nightmare… and, well, I can get pretty destructive. So, it was safer for everyone if I stayed out of the way.

**~Matt's P.o.V~**

I punched the wall in my bedroom. I'd made a stupid mistake, and now I'm paying for it? It's not my fault I was sworn to secrecy! What did she expect me to _do? _Resurrect him? She can't take everything out on me!

And… what was that scar on her chest? It's obviously been done on purpose. So… who did it? Was it her?

I don't know. It's none of my business. Yet, the scar seems too ironic for her to have done it herself. She wouldn't have done it over me, would she?

Maybe, just maybe, that's the scar of what I was nursing her from a couple of years ago! It would explain why she would never take her top off.

My door swung inwards, creaking. Mello's angst-filled face appeared in the doorway.

"Just you?" Mello asked. I shrugged my shoulders, my eyes downturned. Mello advanced towards me, slapping me across the face.

"Grow up! You'll be fine, man!" Mello growled, his voice low. "Where the fuck is she?"

"I don't know!" I whispered, exasperated. God, why does he expect me to know everything?

"Fine, whatever. Be like that." Mello muttered, resignedly. "Just hurry up."

I grabbed my bag, anger fuelling my actions. I had prepared for this. I even had a bag set up for Suzume. Not that she cares.

Now, I just sound like a brat. But whatever. She lashed out first, without even bothering to hear my side. She's ruining her own birthday.

I placed a little box in my pocket. It was Suzume's birthday present; even though it was the dead of night. Her birthday was over, but after all that has happened today, what was I supposed to do.

**~Suzume's P.o.V~**

I awoke to find blazing blue eyes boring into mine. I tried not to scream. My god, was my nightmare becoming reality? Was Matt going to leave me, and shoot me, or let Mello shoot me?

Oh, god. No! I don't want to die.

"Shh! We're going now, so hurry up!" Mello growled, a hand over my mouth to silence me. I nodded, unsure of whether joining Mello would make my father turn in his grave.

"It's for a better cause, right?" I asked.

"Yes! We're going to catch Kira! So, of course!" Mello whispered, sounding irate.

Then, Matt walked into the room. I saw him, and my eyes filled to the brim with tears. Matt saw me and dropped the bags in his hands, his arms wide open for me. I ran over to him and melted into his embrace, missing the familiarity.

"Matt…" I whispered softly.

"Shh… it's okay, love." He stroked my hair gently, holding me to his chest closely. I drew back ever so slightly and he leaned down to me, capturing my lips in his slowly. We shared a quick, yet painfully passionate, kiss before pulling back completely. He slipped a box into my hand.

"Did you pick _them _up?" I wondered. Matt nodded.

"How could I forget the katanas your father had given you?" Matt asked. He handed them to me and I strapped them on my back, the delicately carved, ornate dragon handles and the top. I looked into Matt's forest coloured eyes with a smile. Mello simply turned around and walked, gesturing for us to follow.

I opened the box, my eyes aglow. Inside was a traditional dragon, in silver and black, wrapping itself around an L. I smiled, kissing Matt's cheek. He blushed lightly before taking my hand and following Mello.

6 months later

I fondled the necklace Matt had given me. I was nervous, seeing as it was Matt's 17th soon. Also, I was very on edge. Near had faxed all of the information he had on Kira and L's old detective force to us, in the Mafia. I took my shirt off, the heat getting to me.

I was on edge because we had only recently let Sayu go. I was against it completely in the first place. However, we did have a 'Death Note' in our possession. Everyone was a bit scared of this 'Notebook', especially because of the rules in the back and the front.

I bit my lip, raising my hand.

"I'll test it out." I spoke confidently, not showing any insecurities. What did I have to lose?

Mello scrutinised me with his glare, before nodding, not even bothering to stare at my topless figure. I mean, I had a bra on anyways. He pointed to the notebook, then the computer screen, picking up chocolate on his way.

"Kill Nakahashi Usui. He's a mass murderer who hasn't been killed yet. Then, watch the news." Mello instructed. I picked up the notebook, focusing on the image, and writing the name.

Then, we sat back and waited. In precisely forty seconds, that person died. The press were all over it, claiming that Kira had struck again. I smirked at Mello, winning our bet.

However, when I turned around, a horrific sight befell my eyes.

"Who…who are you?" I asked, gripping the notebook tightly. The queer creature regarded me with interest.

"I'm Sidoh. I'm a shinigami." He leaned forward, ruffling one of the men's hair. They didn't react, not in the way you would assume.

"Mello…touch the notebook." My lip quivered. Mello shrugged, touching it. When he looked up, coming face to face with the… shinigami, his eyes widened, the chocolate falling out of his mouth.

"Men… touch this and see this." He commanded, reaching for another cube of chocolate.

Every one of the men touched the notebook, seeing this disgusting monster. A few of them shrieked.

Suddenly, my heart panged with sadness. I missed Matt. He wasn't here. Instead, he was residing with the SPK for now. He was due back any moment.

The door swung inwards, revealing an out of breath Matt. I bounded over to him, hugging him tightly. I kissed him forcefully, showing him how much I loved him. Our lips moved in sync, my body moulding to his.

"You okay, love?" He mumbled through the kiss. I nodded, breaking the kiss for air.

"Matt… Touch the notebook, then fax the evidence to the SPK." Mello said, moving onto the Swiss chocolate. Matt obliged, looking at Sidoh. He said nothing, but stared in disbelief.

"Sidoh! I am going to appoint you as a guard. Do _not _fail me or you will never get this back!" Mello commanded, waving the notebook around. Sidoh looked resigned and went to stand guard outside of the hideout.

"Mello. I've received a warning. The detectives are planning to strike sometime today or tomorrow. It is undecided or there is not enough evidence to say which say. We should prepare." Matt whispered urgently. Mello nodded.

I grabbed my katanas off the floor, my scar showing slightly. Suddenly, the cameras showed that there was fighting outside. It looked like Sidoh was taking care of them. I shuddered, looking towards Mello.

"Matt! Get to the SPK the secret way! Mello and I will clean up, then join you!" I growled in Matt's ear. He nodded.

I followed him through the deserted passageways. The difficult bit was going to be for him to escape through the front. Even the secret way had to pass through the front. It was a massive predicament.

We reached the front, noticing Sidoh flying away, a Death Note in hand. I growled in frustration. We had just lost our most resourceful ally.

Matt and I ran through the battlefield, making it to the exit. Matt turned around, as did I, to be faced with an ex-police officer.

He fired his gun.

My mother's curse rang through my head…

No way would I let my love die!

I screamed, deflecting the bullet with a katana, pushing Matt on. The man regarded me curiously. It wasn't in my best interests to kill him. He shot another bullet, this time a shrapnel. Luckily, none of the shards got stuck in my flesh.

He shot at me again, and I deflected him. He pulled a knife out of his belt, swiping at me. I grit my teeth in concentration. He cut my lightly on the arm, the wound bleeding slightly. I hit him hard in the head with the hilt of the katana, knocking him out cold. With him dealt with, I ran across the battle field, aiming to aid Mello.

I got to Mello's room, locking the door behind me. Mello was hiding behind the desk, holding a grenade in his hand. Around him was people who had been slain. It was a bloody sight, one that would be permanently ingrained on my memory. Nevertheless, I adopted a poker face and said nothing, giving nothing away. I had the Death Note that Mello and I had on my person, the notebook down my pants. I breathed heavily, feeling the tips of the katanas digging into the criss cross scars on my back.

Ever since Wammy's house had taken me in, I had trained everyday with these katanas. L had left them as a present for me. The only downside was they were too long, so they kept cutting into my back when I moved. Eventually, I had a mass of straight scars, in a cross pattern, across my lower back. I covered them up with strong concealer, but the battle had made me sweat and had removed the makeup. Mello spotted these scars with a frown.

"You know why they're there." I grunted to Mello. Mello nodded, gripping the grenade tighter. The door fell inwards, the hinges wailing as they were torn apart. Three detectives burst in, one known as Yagami-san, the other…

"Light Yagami." I whispered. This was the man we thought was Kira. No wonder. He had that glint in his eye. I thought it was best to rid myself of the problem, so I advanced slowly. Then, I drew my katana, stabbing the person nearest to me in the arm. Damn, I got the old man. I aimed my katana at Light, intending to run him through. However, he dodged, and I only managed to gash his leg. He gripped his leg in pain. Then, I noticed a man move infinitesimally. I grinned, retreating to Mello. The man on the floor shot the old man in the chest with shrapnel.

"And this is where we say… adieu!" Mello said, setting off the grenade. He protected me from the blast, running with me. We ran to the car, driving to the airport as quickly as we could. Mello's face was bleeding and there was a scratch up his face which would scar. I was relatively unscathed, apart from the cut wounds off my katanas.

"Let's meet with Matt, huh? I think the SPK will like…this!" I exclaimed, pulling a Death Note from my trousers. Mello grumbled.

"But I _hate _Near!" Mello complained.

"Oh shut _up! _We're better joining with the SPK! There's only us left, now! Plus, I know you secretly love him." I stated, turning from him. He blushed furiously gritting his teeth.

"Whatever. Keep quiet about that, will ya?" He grumbled. I giggled.

"Hurry up. I miss Matt." I demanded. Mello rolled his eyes, taking the second exit on the roundabout.

I sighed. I hope Matt was able to get there. I looked down at my phone, getting all the GPS locations. Matt was in his car, and was at the airport. Luckily, he was unharmed and he had done nothing wrong.

I breathed a sigh of relief. He was alive.

Right now, that's all that matters.


	5. The SPK

"Matt!" I yelled, running up to him. He turned around, bags in his hands, shocked. I hugged him tightly, pinning his arms to his waist. He laughed, smiling. Then, I saw his face contort slightly.

"Suzume. What're those on your back?" He asked, suspicious. I gasped; I'd completely forgotten about the scars on my back.

"Uh…well…" I stuttered, looking up into his gorgeous emerald eyes. His face was drawn as he put down the bags and walked over to Mello threateningly.

"What _happened?_" He growled, looking at Mello's face. Luckily, I had bandaged his eye when I we were just about to get out of the car. He had grumbled, _a lot. _Still, I had managed to do it.

"We had to get out… so I used _that." _Mello ground out. Matt's eyes narrowed even further.

"I thought that we agreed we weren't going to use grenades!" Matt whispered loudly. "Especially that one!"

"Listen, we're both fine. Quit overreacting! I brought your Xbox and DS for you." Mello looked at him.

There was a few minutes of tension. In fact, I was even considering walking off from them both, as it was really annoying me. However, I was really lucky and Mello broke it first.

"Cheer up man!" He smiled, slapping Matt on the back. Matt smiled, apparently Mello's friend again.

"Well, I guess we'd better get on the plane, huh. Can I talk to you for a minute, Suzume?" Matt asked hesitantly, giving Mello the bags. Mello grunted when he picked up the bags, glaring in Matt's general direction. I nodded slowly.

"Listen. I can explain. Well… I've been training with katana's for years and… they always cut my back if I don't put the right support on…or their sheaths. I'm so sorry." He drew me in a hug and I looked at him sorrowfully.

"Shh shh don't apologise. It's my fault. I shouldn't have asked. Is that why you won't show your back?" He asked me tenderly, his eyes compassionate. I nodded wordlessly, nuzzling my head into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me even tighter, making me feel more secure.

"Everything'll be fine, okay? Just… tell me these things, okay?" His voice sounded hurt. I nodded again and he brought his lips down to mine, kissing me gently.

"Let's get on the plane, okay?"

"But how am I gonna get these katana's through customs?" I whined, much to Matt's amusement.

SPK Base

So, we finally arrived at the SPK base. Really, it had very little character and… there was televisions everywhere. We had gone through no amount of checks and had found that when we got into the base, there was just Near.

"Hey, Near!" I yelled, running over to him. He looked up, a hint of a smile.

"Ah, Suzume! You're here…oh, so's he." He said, his tone regaining its emotionless tone again when he saw Mello. Mello's blue eyes flickered dangerously as he glared into Near's onyx ones. He strode up to Near, getting right in his face.

"Did ya miss me?" He growled, threateningly. Near laughed at him.

"Yeah. I really missed hearing you wanking at night." He said flippantly. Mello glared at him, almost ripping his bandage off in annoyance.

"Says you? I didn't build a _fucking machine!" _Mello retorted, his face going nearer to Near's.

"I built that for you, in case your wrist started to fuck up." He grinned at him, playing with his hair, disregarding Mello.

I rolled my eyes, already sick of the pair.

"Oh my, I'm sick of this sexual tension- oh dear, didn't see you there!" I exclaimed in a nonchalant voice, pushing Mello onto Near before hiding behind an SPK member, who was watching astounded.

Mello's lips met Nears, their eyes wide. However, neither of them pulled away for a few seconds. I smirked, knowing that Mello and Near had a shared secret- they both liked each other. Honestly, they were quite obvious with the sexual tension.

Near looked into Mello's eye, the longing obvious. If I had been able to see Mello's eyes, I would've bet the look was mirrored. However, Mello stepped back, a blush on his face. Near must've been staring at the bandage on his eyes, as Mello was trying to hide it with his hands.

"Let's get down to business… Why are you here?" Near asked, a tone of resentment in his voice. I decided to speak up.

"We're here because we have evidence on Kira." I said, drawing the Death Note from my pants. Near's eyes widened and he ran over to me, excited.

"This fits with my evidence! With this, I can probably foil Kira! However… Suzume, I need your help." Near looked at me, his eyes level with mine.

"We need to come up with a plan, especially as the Kira in question is trying to organise a date to meet me. I'm going to need a way to catch him in the act. Matt- you're on technology. Mello, you're on the heists. You're the on the floor man. And Suzume… I need you for the confrontation. Get close to Light. Or Misa Amane." Near's ideas spilled out in a jumble of words. I shook my head, seeing an immediate flaw in their plans.

"I can't. They know who I am. They could kill me at a moment's notice if they discovered my true identity. I can't, as Light will want revenge against me for wounding and possibly killing his father." I told him, serious. Near sat, pondering for a moment. My heart lurched. Near was so much like L, it hurt. It was a twist in my gut. It was like he existed only to remind me that he was dead.

I was never gonna have his guidance again.

Near thought, and we all stood, watching him intently.

"Suzume… when Matt trades places, you have to go with him. In fact, you're on heists as well. It's dangerous, but-" Near was interrupted.

"No! I don't want her to be at risk like that! Please, don't let her get hurt!" Matt blurted out, his calm composure shattered. I gave him a gentle hug of reassurance, causing him to relax a little.

"I'll do it, Near. If I can antagonise Kira, then maybe I can make him make irrational moves. If something bad happens, we can stage a death." I said, my hands fisted at the side of me. It was very likely that this mission would deal me the same fate as my father.

But it was worth it.

5 days later

I sat at the computer screen, watching a few of Kira's killings. I sat watching with Mello, who was actually paying attention to the screen. We had switched to numerous news reports, and even some of the news that was pro kira. We had it narrowed down to a few news reporters. Mello sat, watching a few of them intently, before pointing to a particular screen.

"Her." He said, pointing to a news screen with NHN on it. I frowned.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because she, one day, became enthused about Kira. It was an abrupt change. Also, watch as she slips up." He said, rewinding the report.

"And Kira is a good person, someone I know very well. I mean, I don't _know _him but I know him in my heart." Kiyomi Takada said on her news report. Mello showed me a few incidences of her slipping up.

There was also a little scene that had been cut. She had a piece of lined paper and was writing something, something the camera didn't catch. She cleared her throat, looking up, and asking that they would cut that part out.

I noticed, with a shocking realisation, that this was a piece of the Death Note! She must be in contact with Kira… I suppose that she has to be interrogated.

We called Near into the room, relaying all of the information. He nodded, and told us he had been monitoring the routines of all possible suspects.

"I have some incriminating evidence of her meeting two Kira suspects. So, naturally, I paid most attention to their habits. One of the Kira suspects died shortly after meeting with her. Teru Mikami is also a suspect. He stood up during a pro-Kira show proclaiming that Kira had passed on his powers to him. This was not aired on television, but was intercepted on the way to the incinerator, per 'Kira's' request." Near sat on the floor, playing with his hair. Mello grit his teeth, holding his hand to the bandage again.

"Listen. This is what I want you to do. Suzume, I want you to invite Takada over. Say you're part of her production team. Your alias is Mizuki Takayomi, the shadow manager. Even Takada has heard of her. So, you will invite her out and ask her to sit in the back of your truck. This is where Mello comes in. Mello, I want you to lock the doors and order her to strip. Then, you will get Suzume to come in and watch her, making sure she doesn't do anything. Drive her back here for further interrogation. I want Suzume to take the motorbike from the back and follow Matt. Mello, you _will _stop the van so she can get out. Stop it at a moment's notice." Near announced his plans.

"What is Matt doing?" I asked, fearful of his safety.

"Matt is following Mikami. We need to keep an eye on him, especially because of what we discovered in his safe. I have set a date on meeting Kira. And no, I will not tell you. The less you know, the less of a liability you are." Near finished, making shooing motions. "Now go."

"Good work today, people! Especially you, Takada! I'm so proud of you!" I told her, smiling. She smiled back, a genuine smile. "Listen, Takada. I'm gonna give you a ride home. Just cause I heard someone totalled your car."

She grinned. "Thanks, Mizuki-sama."

"No problem. I hope you're not scared of vans!" I teased. Jeez, it was hard to maintain an upbeat attitude when you knew what you were about to do.

I led her to the van that we were going to transport her in.

"Do you mind sitting in the back with my two bikes? Just because there's no room in the front." I said apologetically.

"Of course, Mizuki-sama." She said, climbing into the back. I heard the door slam, followed by a muffled shriek. I heard Mello threatening her and got in the van and began to drive to our first destination. Mello ordered her to strip before taking her clothes and stepping in the front.

"Well, that was…interesting." Mello commented, sitting down. I said nothing, my gaze steely.

"I have a feeling that Kira will try and kill her. So, we will have to escape." I stopped the van, opening the doors to the back and stepping in.

"Give me the towel." I said, my voice dark. She trembled, not moving. I noticed a red stain on the white towel. I yanked it away and revealed a piece of death note paper.

"Shit!" I cursed, seeing if there were any names on it. There was also a phone, with the previous text saved as a draft. It had been sent, but it was incomplete. It bore my the first name of my alias' name, asking the receiver to kill Mizuki.

I stole the phone from her, reading through all of the texts. My eyes widened slowly.

"Mello! Get out of the van!" I yelled as we veered off course. I jumped out of the van, Mello not far behind me, breathing heavily. I reached into it, looking at my watch.

I had two minutes to get out of here.

I grabbed one of the bikes, pulling with all of my might. I almost heard the clock ticking. I grasped the other bike and gave it an almighty pull; it came out of the van quickly.

Mello went to the front of the van and turned on the ignition, making it roll forward. Then, he dived out of it. A piece of ruin fell on top of the van, squashing it completely.

It was then the van burst into flames.

Mello's eyes widened, looking at me suspiciously. I handed him the phone and the piece of Death Note wordlessly. The phone had methods of killing and incriminating evidence on it.

"Take it to Near. I need to find Matt… and make sure he isn't dead." I said, all emotion vanished. I jumped on the bike, revving the engine and tearing off into the traffic, not giving Mello a second glance. I turned on my Bluetooth GPS, tracking Matt's car. Luckily, he was still moving. When he stopped, I would get worried.

I wanted to move the katana's on my back, as they were cutting me again. I had grabbed them in a hurry when I mounted the bike, strapping them on as quickly as I could. I would get more scars, but it was worth it if I could save Matt.

I drove on the white line, overtaking car after car. I had my blues and twos on my motorbike, as I had stolen it from the NPA. It was handy in situations like this.

My heart stopped, along with Matt's car. I waited, hoping that he was at traffic lights.

Several minutes passed… and I was sure he was dead.

I revved even harder, speeding along roads in search of my love. I circled one place, getting stuck in a one way system, before unpredictably taking an exit.

It was then a horrible sight befell my eyes. There was abandoned guns littering the scene, bullets that had missed on the floor. There was a crumpled form on the floor, bleeding heavily.

The form had a shocked look on his face, and was clutching a cigarette.


	6. The Story of the Scars

"Matt!" I screamed, running over to him. I took his head in my lap, tears streaming from my eyes, looking hatefully at the dead policeman on the ground.

_Someone must've accidentally shot him, _I thought,

"S…Suzume." He brought a bleeding hand up slowly, caressing my cheek, wiping away my tears.

"What did I tell you? I _told _you to be careful!" I screamed hysterically, the tears coming fast, like a river. He smiled brokenly, the cigarette falling to the floor in front of him. I laid his head down slowly, tearing open his car.

I searched, in vain, for something, _anything, _that would help him. Luckily, I came across a first aid kit. I looked at him, looking at the numerous bullet wounds. I took the health kit and walked over to him, cutting his top off of him. There was one wound in his leg, but it was only a bullet that had grazed him. However, he had a bullet wound in his shoulder, and one on his upper arm. He was bleeding profusely from both. I noticed that there was also a stab wound in his stomach, something that could kill him.

I looked at his unscathed chest, smiling a little.

"You wore that bullet proof jacket, huh?" I muttered to myself, beginning to treat the wounds. I heard an incoming call on my receiver.

"Suzume! I need an update!" Near spoke urgently down the line.

"Matt's injured. It could prove fatal unless I treat him here and get him to the nearest hospital. Unless you have someone who can treat this. I'm fine." I said, my tone clipped.

"We have a specialist. Get him cleaned up and drive over to here ASAP. Near out." He disconnected the call, satisfied. I took the tweezers and dislodged the bullet in his shoulder, holding something to his wound. I kissed him gently, wrapping it with padding, and repeating the process with the other bullet wound. I looked at Matt's wound in his stomach, biting my lip. I decided that it would be best to put in temporary stitches. I got the needle and dissolving thread and began to sew it up.

Matt blacked out.

I finished sewing him up and hoisted him into the car.

walking to the driver's side of the car. I felt a bullet lodge itself in my back, and cried out in pain. I looked in the direction it had come from, seeing the 'dead' policeman. He grinned evilly before falling over, a bullet in his heart. I had picked up a gun and shot it, hitting home.

He spat blood, lying in a pool of his own blood. I shot him in the head, gaining pleasure out of seeing the contents of his head dashed across the ground. I kept the gun on my person, moving as quickly as I could. I managed to move the bike into the boot, my back still bleeding. He hadn't shot it very far into me, as I could still move. He also hadn't ruptured my spinal cord, as it was closer to my kidney area. I jumped into the car, feeling intense pain, and quickly slipped a bandage on.

"Matt is stable. We'll be there soon." I said into the headset.

"Good. Hurry." Was all Near said.

I didn't tell Near I had been shot.

When we arrived at the SPK base, I almost passed out from exhaustion and pain. Halfway through the journey, my bandages had started to slip off and there was blood on the seats. My vision had begun to blur and it was difficult to walk. I was getting really worried about Matt, especially because he had only woken up once.

If it wasn't for that, I would've feared the worst.

"Near!" I yelled, my voice cracking. Mello rushed out, his face flushed.

I picked Matt up and threw him over my shoulder, grunting from the effort. The bullet in my flesh went deeper and I gasped, almost crying from the intense pain. The only reason I was able to move, and withstand it, is because I'm so used to the agonising pain of the katanas slashing through scarred and unmarred skin.

I winced as one of his arms hit my back. Although, it was above the bleeding wound.

"Take…him…" I managed between breaths. Mello nodded and took Matt from me. I crumpled to the ground, my legs giving way. I was distraught when I realised I couldn't get back up.

I heard a gun being cocked and looked up. I looked into a familiar face, someone who I thought I had trusted. One of the SPK.

Quite obviously a traitor.

~Near's P.o.V~

I heard a gunshot outside and ventured out at the noise. Suzume was on the ground, a gunshot in her back. And that was not it. There was a bullet lodged into her shoulder. She had a katana raised… and another in the man's chest. I looked at the man, recognising him easily. He was my right hand man…yet he was another traitor.

I looked at the wound in Suzume's back more carefully, noticing that it was not a fresh wound.

"Suzume! Why didn't you tell me you had been hit?" I demanded, looking at her, worried. She looked up at me weakly. She shook her head, falling to the ground. I ran over, catching her and stopping her from hitting the ground.

"Oh, Suzume." I whispered in her ear. "All you wanted was to get Matt home."

~Suzume's P.o.V~

All I remember was blacking out. I don't really remember much that happened today. So…maybe I should try? But won't that hurt?

I looked at myself, noticing that I was topless. I had bandages on my shoulder. I touched it, out of curiosity, and felt nothing. Huh. I had obviously been on aesthetic. Or morphine. Either way, I still felt nothing. I cast an eye to the side my heart shaped scar was on and saw Matt in the other bed. My heart lurched and I went to move, but found I was tethered to the bed. I growled in annoyance, noticing a note on my stomach.

Dear Suzume…

I know that when you see Matt you will want to go over there and see him. However, Mello and I have decided to tie you to the bed because we can't trust you not to go over there. It's for your own good.

Near

I growled in frustration, searching Matt for any signs of life. There was but one indication- he was breathing. There was a steady rise and fall of his chest.

I noticed that they hadn't removed my Bluetooth headset. So, I used voice activation to try and call Near, Mello…someone.

I got Mello.

"Yo?" He asked.

"It's Suzume. Mello…what's Matt's situation?" Mello laughed.

"Don't you want to know about yourself?" He asked.

"No! I don't care about me! Please…" I answered.

"Well… he's alive, if you can call it that. He's in a coma. The time is indefinite. He could be forever in a coma. He could snap out of it in a day. There's no guarantee he's even _there._ In fact…when he wakes up, he might not be the same person." Mello sighed.

"He was shot with shrapnel, as were you. We managed to get it out of you, but we don't know if we got all the pieces out. You removed the main body, luckily. However…if it got into his bloodstream, he'll die." Mello said, remorseful.

I disconnected the call.

_How cold have I become? I didn't want to lose you by what I've done…caught in the grey…_

The song lyrics ran through my head, bringing tears to my eyes.

Matt. Was in a coma. He could die. He could live. He might not be the same person.

Tears leaked down my face, the floor claiming them for its own. I longed to reach out to Matt and caress his lovely face, kiss him, _make him wake_. But… there was nothing I could do. Do you know how that feels? When someone is so, so close to you…

And you can do nothing.

I bit my cheek to ribbons, the blood in my mouth almost choking me. I don't want to live in a world without him. I…I can't imagine it. Every little thing seems to remind me of him. And I haven't even been too far away from him! And… I feel bad.

~Flashback~

He kissed me, his lips claiming mine passionately. He ran his hands down my sides, caressing my hips. I kissed him, little butterfly kisses. He went to remove my top and I stopped him gently. He looked at me, hurt in his eyes.

"Matt… I can't. I'm scared." I shook my head. He kissed me gently.

"What have you got to hide? I love you, you know that." He said softly, looking at me again, hurt still swirling in his emerald eyes, those eyes that promised a better future.

"I… nothing." I said. Back then I was thinking of the heart, and the katana scars. So, I had a helluva lot to hide.

"Well then…?" Matt drew it out into a question.

"I… I can't do it, I'm sorry. I don't… it's not you, I'm just scared. I love you so, so much. Okay?" I whispered in his ear, comforting him. He had only sighed and gone to sleep, and I slept next to him.

~End~

I reminisced on the memory, guilt seeping into my bones. I wished that the morphine could dull out emotions such as these. It wasn't my fault I had rejected him. It's funny isn't it? The only thing I want now is him.

I need him. It's like an insatiable thirst, yet I need to quench it nonetheless. I wanted to feel his arms around mine. I wanted _him _the one thing I couldn't have.

I might not ever have it again.

"Matt…" I whispered, my heart twanging with sorrow. "I'm sorry I wasn't quicker."

It had been a week, and I've been allowed to walk around. I wanted nothing more to stay by Matt's side, though. The research conducted on him had told us that he could hear what we were saying, but was unable to react. He could hear, as several things made his heart beat quicker. It was actually remedial for him to be talked to. If I talked to him, reminded him who he was, then his memory loss mightn't be as great. I had to hold onto this small semblance of hope.

Hope. The one word that I live by. It's the only thing that keeps me alive.

Alas, I sat out here in the garden. I now understand how Sayu must feel, how her parent's must've felt after she was kidnapped. I felt empty, lost, alone. Sorrow was warping my personality. I was like a dark cloud, spreading my sorrow over the land.

"Suzume, you can't stay like this." Near interrupted my thoughts.

"I can. If Matt can do it, so can i." I answered tonelessly. I knew what he was referring to. I hadn't eaten properly since the incident, something that was greatly hindering my healing process. Yet, I didn't care. My inner demons would die of hunger long before I did.

"I _need _you. Okay?" Near asked, exasperated. I did nothing but nod. Today was exactly a week. In a few hours, it would be the time of Matt's coma. The start, I mean.

"Suzume. I need you when I confront Kira tomorrow. So, I'll wake you up." Near said, turning away.

"No!" I screamed, hysteric. "You can't take me away from Matt!"

"Suzume listen to me! Mello will look after him! Just…let him go." Near finished, breathing out. I said nothing, my eyes and voice vacant. I couldn't even _imagine _letting him go.

Near walked off, and I took out my small dagger, which I had hidden in my boot. I lifted my shirt off and moved my bra, so I could make a cut. I cut a line in my heart shaped scar.

"For every week, I'll make another line." I whispered, watching myself bleed.

After a while, the bleeding ceased, and I was left with dried blood. Yet I made no move to clean it, instead pulling my shirt back on.

Near and I were waiting for Kira to come, along with a few guards and American police officers. I was bored, and my chest hurt a lot. However, it would be a permanent reminder of my incompetence…my incompetence to even look after _one _person. L would have been able to save him, so why can't I?

Light Yagami appeared, with an entourage. Then, Near spoke up.

"A man will look through the doorway. Don't make any movements. Don't stop him." He said, his voice echoing through the silence. I looked at the doorway, seeing the man. I recognised his face as he scrutinised us all, hurriedly writing names down in his notebook.

This was Teru Mikami. He was the one who was going to kill us.

Light started to laugh, a purely evil sound.

"Ah, Near, you incompetent idiot! You just got us all killed… well, except me, Kira! Yeah, I'm Kira! And I'm going to enjoy watching you all die." He laughed after his spiel.

After 40 seconds, Mikami came in, visably shocked to see that we were all alive. Light's eyes widened, looking at Mikami.

"Mikami! You did it wrong! Why aren't they all dying!" Light yelled, a vein standing out on his neck.

"I-I'm sorry, God! I don't understand!" Mikami quivered as he was apprehended by one of the guards.

Light began to reel, looking at nothing.

"Ryuk! You've been laughing since the start! You know something! Are you a traitor?" He asked the air.

"Ah… yes, hello Ryuk. I am Near. No hard feelings, hopefully." Near said. I looked at him, incredulously. He slipped me a piece of paper and I spotted _him._

"No. I have no loyalties to this human." Ryuk said, giving a hacking laugh. Physically recoiled, fear running through my veins.

"Good. Guards, give me that notebook." Near commanded. A guard brought over the notebook, and Near looked at all of the names. I noted that Near's was right next to mine. I… I'd never known his name, but I knew everyone else's. That means that _that _was his name. interesting. I know Matt's name. We shared our names once, just for the whole trust thing.

"This is your proof that Light Yagami is, in fact, Kira. I traded the notebook in Mikami's safe with this fake. I put in pages from the real Death Note in it for the needed amount of days. This is why we could not change the date." Near spoke quickly, eager to get this over with.

"Mikami you _idiot! _I _told _you to be careful!" Light screamed, his voice resounding with insanity.

"I-I'm sorry God! I don't deserve to live in your divine presence!" He yelled, producing a dagger and stabbing himself in the heart. The guard let go, shocked. Mikami writhed on the floor, yet was disregarded by Light completely.

Meanwhile, Matsuda had had enough.

"Light… how could you do this to your father? All the time, scheming! I bet _you're _the one who killed him when he needed life support!" He yelled, producing his gun.

"You don't deserve to live!" He fired, the gunshot echoing throughout the warehouse. Ryuk laughed.

"This is very entertaining! Hyuk hyuk hyuk." He said. Light held his arm, looking up at Ryuk.

"Ryuk! You're my only ally, right? You're gonna save me, aren't you? Kill them all! Kill them!" He yelled, his voice growing with his paranoia and hysteria. Ryuk laughed.

"Light…it's been fun while it lasted. But now I'm going to write your name down." Ryuk produced his Death Note, gaining a dark aura. He wrote his name, watching as Light suffered.

However, Light did not go quietly. When he felt his heart stop, he yelled, trying desperately to stop it from happening.

However, he was unsuccessful. He fell forward, lying in a pool of his own blood. His mouth was agape in a horrible death cry.

I turned away, memories of the previous week washing over me. I swallowed, turning away.

I wanted nothing more to do with this.

When we arrived back at the base, I turned to Near.

"Near?" I said quietly.

"Yes?" He responded.

"… I think I've decided. I'm going to give you the name L. It's only right you inherit the namesake, seeing as you did all this." I managed, swallowing when I remembered my father's death.

Near looked taken aback. "You sure?" I nodded. He smiled, tousling his hair once again.

"And all of the million's I've inherited… I'll give part of it to you, Mello and Matt." I spoke quietly again. Near's face contorted slightly when I mentioned Matt's name, but I ignored it. I _know _he's alive in there.

~two weeks later~

I looked at my heart on my chest, three lines on it. It hurt like a bitch, but it would always remind me of my mistake. I wasn't brave enough to carve words on my arms, so this had to suffice. It was like a warped ritual.

In fact, I could barely feel the pain anymore.

It might have been because of the various pills I was taking. Near and Mello were still living in this building, but there was talk of them moving. I knew that they wanted to live by themselves. At least I could sleep without being reminded that Near, if he wanted Mello, could go get him. Or vice versa.

I couldn't have that. Maybe not now, maybe not ever. I wanted to grab my heart, rip it out of my chest, and give it to Matt, so he could live.

I walked into Matt's room, as it was the correct time. I felt like a zombie, watching life, rotting. My heart was rotting. My world seemed to be falling apart, much like I was.

I walked over to him, noticing he had lost weight. I held his hand, feeling a pulse.

Maybe, today was the day he would awake.

I kissed his forehead, feeling his soft skin.

Then, I began to tell him stories, like I usually did.

"Do you want to know how I got my scars? I guess I'll tell you. Well, when I was 14, my mum decided to flip. She'd always been a bit bipolar, but I never expected her to snap. One day, she turned on me and vocally tore my head off. I snapped too, saying horrible things. So, she confined me to my room. And… when I was sleeping, she got her knife and carved a heart into my chest, to tell me that I would never love. Ah, my memory get's hazy. I think, that I stabbed her by her own knife. Then, she cursed me. She told me my true love would die." I took in a breath.

"I thought that, when that man shot at you, that that would be the curse broken. But now I see, I'm wrong. Now I see, that my true love is dying in front of me, and my heart is breaking. That's why I have these additional scars, here. They're for you. To remind me that I wasn't quick enough. That it may as well been me who killed you." Tears started to flow freely down my cheeks.

"I love you." I told him, my voice cracking.

There was still no response. I wasn't sure if I could take this much longer…

1 year later

I sat by his bedside, ruffling his red hair. I had given up hoping, by this point. It was our year anniversary… our year of him being in a coma. Mello and Near had moved out, leaving me feeling completely and utterly alone. Matt was long out of the hospital and was lying in my bed. I played the DS beside him sometimes, reminding him of his gaming ways. Sometimes I'd bring incense in, because I know of his secret love of the stuff.

I walked into the bathroom, which was just beside my bedroom. I brandished the knife, looking at my scarred body. There was 51 scars. I had to do something extra today.

So, I cut another heart into my flesh.

I didn't scream as I mutilated my stomach, cutting a heart. I then wrote Matt's name in the centre of it, reminding me of him yet again. It was like a gruesome tattoo. It was permanent and reminded me of something.

I also did another line in the heart on my chest. There was numerous lines crossing, making it look crude.

_Maybe I should just give up, _I thought, _maybe it would be a gift to kill him when he's like this._

I walked back into the bedroom, leaning over his ever-still form. I hugged him tightly, blood seeping onto his freshly changed shirt. Luckily, he was wearing a red shirt, so it was an easy cleaning job. I looked into his face, then placed my head on his chest, hearing the heartbeat that kept me sane.

I looked back into his face, knowing why I had fallen in love with him in the first place.

"I love you, Matt." I whispered to him.

"I…love you too." I heard a voice. My head snapped up, wondering if it was a dream. I looked into Matt's emerald eyes. He smiled slowly, his facial muscles unused to movement.

"Matt? You're alive! I'm…not dreaming, am i?" I asked him. He looked at me.

"Of course you're dreaming." He said.

The dream changed places, and I found myself on the floor.

"Matt?" I asked hopefully.

The figure just stared at me.

"Why are you bleeding?" They asked. My eyes unfocused.

"Because… because my lover, Matt, fell into a coma." I answered. The figure laughed at me.

"You're dearest is dying? Well, obviously you deserve it, wench!" I saw my mother's face glaring down at me. "My curse took effect! I'm so happy!"

I started to cry…

I wanted free of this nightmare.

"Oh no, _love, _you can't leave just yet!" My mother chortled. Her face warped, turning into Matt's face.

"You don't trust me. You don't believe in me to survive. You don't care about me anymore." He said, his emerald eyes hurt. I pleaded him with my eyes to stop.

Then, my father's face appeared.

"Be prepared for the worst."

I snapped back to reality with a flash. I woke up, blood staining the floor tiles. I looked up and saw a familiar face, one I thought I'd never see again. He was looking through the two open doorways, his eyes open wide. He was saying my name, but I couldn't hear. His voice was too weak.

I ran over to him.

"Matt! Matt! I… I've missed you so, so much." I cried into his shoulder, as he took me into a slow embrace.

"My name is Matt?" He asked. I nodded.

"Don't you remember?" I asked. He nodded.

"I remember… it's just…all the memories are taking their time. My best friends… Mello and Near? And you're my girlfriend, Suzume." He said slowly, his emerald eyes blinking sleepily.

"Yes!" I kissed his lips quickly and he smiled.

"I love you…" He said, before passing out.

I smiled broadly. Even though he had returned to sleep, he was still alive!

I listened to his heart, hearing it speed up. He _was _just sleeping.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I was so happy.

I cuddled him, his comatose state infectious.

I yawned and snuggled into him, slipping into a euphoric sleep.


	7. Sweet Dreams, Darling

I woke up, finding that Matt wasn't next to me. I stiffened, alarmed. Had last night all been a dream? Had that euphoric state I was in just been a product of my sweetest dreams?

I hissed in frustration, running a hand through my thick hair. If last night hadn't happened, then why am I in Matt's bed.

Yeah. Logic wins _every _time.

I sat up, noticing that my clothes had changed. I didn't remember changing clothes. It was probably Matt, the sneaky-

Whatever. I bet he did it with the best intentions. Nevertheless, I smoothed out my nightingown and proceeded to head towards the kitchen. I was hungry, and God knows where Matt has gone. Right now, I really didn't care. I had woken up in one of _those _moods. You know, when you can't be bothered with anyone _at all_.

I wandered into the kitchen and yanked open the fridge before staring. There was nothing in the fridge. And when I say nothing… I mean some cheese. But it's not gonna feed the five thousand, I'll tell you that. I glanced at my wrist watch, checking the time. It was almost noon and if Mello wasn't up that was his problem.

I grabbed my house phone off the stand… well, it's the SPK's house phone as I'm still living there. I should really find somewhere else to live. To be honest, I have more pressing issues.

"Hello?" Mello grumbled. I suppressed a laugh; so I _had _woken him up.

"Hey. Can I set you on an errand? There's a reward in it." I spoke hurriedly, so that Matt couldn't overhear.

"Really? Hmm. Whatever… tell me this errand." Mello said, his voice hinting that he was interested.

"I have no food in. Like, none." I explained. I heard Mello's theatrical gasp.

"Not even…chocolate?" Mello asked. I just _knew _he'd have a horrified look and his lip would be quivering.

"No…" I sighed sadly, for effect.

"I'll do it! Right away!" Mello responded, dropping the phone.

_Mello, who was that? Can't you tell them to go away and come back to bed? _I heard in the background. I giggled when I heard Mello explaining the situation.

_She doesn't even have chocolate, Near. Chocolate! Are you seeing the severity of this? _This time I heard Mello talking.

Out of courtesy, I decided to end the phone call. Well, less courtesy and more 'I don't want to hear how active their sex life is.'

I threw my phone on the floor, glaring at it hatefully. Nice to know that your blood brother Mello was getting it on.

Ah, that brings back memories…

~Flashback~

Mello and I were playing shots with snakebites. Granted, it was a very stupid game. But it was fun! The best part, was afterwards I had to play Matt on Just Dance 2 and try not to fall over. It was gonna be so funny! Especially cause Matt was drunker than a Russian with an endless supply of vodka. He was _such _a lightweight.

I downed the shot that was placed in front of me, not showing how drunk I was. I mean, I still had coherent thoughts right? Totally not drunk. Mello, however, was swaying and… well, if he starts to sing, I'll kill myself. Hearing him in the shower is enough.

"Su~ zu~ me~!" Mello sang cheerily.

"Yuhuh?" I asked, slurring.

"Did I ever tell you I loved you?" He asked. Oh, god, he was at _this _stage of drunkenness.

"Yeah. All the time. When we had passionate sex over the kitchen table." I slurred sarcastically. Matt laughed and fell flat on his bum, earning a laugh from the other drunken mafia members.

"Oh really~? My dreams came true!" He jumped up, only to sit back down. "Although, they all had Near in them~!"

This was a new thing at the time. "Yu wha?"

"I love Near so much! I want to ravish his body over and over!" Mello did some pelvic thrusts, only _just _regaining his balance. "I dream about tying him up and… I give up I'm drunk! Hmm I wanna tap Near's fineeeee ass!" Mello giggled. Yeah, he giggled.

Matt and I broke out in hysteric laughter. Mello threw a bottle at the wall instead of a penny, like the other guys were playing.

"Oopsie it broke!" Mello giggled and twirled. "Look I'm a ballerina!"

"Mello…let's become blood brothers!" I spoke suddenly, my drunken mind dying.

"But wha? You're a chick!" Mello protested.

"I'll grow a dick for you! Now let's do it!" I demanded. "But after I play on the Wii…"

~End of Flashback~

I giggled to myself as the memory resurfaced and I relived it. It was _definitely _a fun day!

I glared at the fridge one last time before heading towards the bathroom. If I can't eat, I'd better at least get myself cleaned up.

I walked in, seeing the door was open. Funny. I'm sure I didn't leave the door open. I stepped inside the threshold, breathing in relaxing scents of my lemon hair wash and lavender body scrub. It sounds like a horrible combination, but really it was very nice.

I smiled. So, Matt had at least gotten a shower. So where the hell was he, then? If he turned out to be back in the bedroom, it would be so irritating I would laugh out of the sheer worry and frustration he had put me through.

I brushed my teeth slowly, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I was normal, today. I mean, some days I look really pretty, others I just look at myself and curse, but today I'm…average. Mediocre, I'd even deign to say.

I ran my hands through my unbrushed hair, carefully taking out the small knots that had made their home in my hair. Then, I took the mini comb off of the side of the sink and combed my hair gently, making it wavy and silky. I smiled, already happier with my appearance.

I stumbled out of the bathroom, cursing for tripping over something as simple as the bath mat. When I stepped out of the room, I shivered lightly from the change in temperature. I badly wished I could feel Matt's arms around my waist. In fact, I imagined the sweet words he would whisper in my ear.

I sighed, knowing that he was probably much too weak to do anything like I had…imagined.

I blushed a dark crimson, much like Matt's hair colour. Jeez, did I think of anything else? Think of… the fridge! Right…well, that was certainly strange, because I know there was _some _food in the fridge. I mean, I had to go shopping, but it wasn't that urgent.

I walked into the living room, watching images of a horror movie dance across the screen. I cringed; I _hate _horrors. Almost as much as I hate people disrupting my routine.

My routine? Well…it's just… I have to wash my hair at a certain time and on certain days. I have time allotted to each activity some days, when I'm busy… and I really hate my routine being disrupted. I wonder if I have OCD…

Anyways, I walked over to the sofa and sat down, staring blankly at the screen. The sofa made a strange 'oof' sound when I sat on it. I looked behind me, and was greeted with Matt's emerald eyes. It appears I was sitting on his chest.

I bit my lip to stop myself from breaking out in fits of laughter.

"Hi there." Matt said, smiling widely. I grinned back. It was almost like it hadn't been a year since I'd talked to him last. In fact, I knew it was going to be his birthday soon. I was really nervous, though. I had no idea what I was going to get him.

An apartment, maybe?

That's a good idea. However, it would be a present that benefitted me more.

Hmm… think, Suzume!

"Suzu…" Matt whispered his voice still quiet. I wonder if it hurt him to talk, seeing as he hadn't used it in a year. I was actually surprised he could walk around and do things himself.

And then I realised, that he couldn't really dress himself. He had pants on sure but… he was exposing that gorgeous chest of his… feeling the need to drool right now.

However, his exposed chest also told me that his body hadn't been taking the food very well. He had lost a lot of weight, despite my constant nurturing. To be honest, I wished I had tried feeding him better. He had been like an empty vessel; he could eat, drink and sleep, but had no personality. That's why I was so overjoyed when he finally said something.

Mat called my name again and broke through the haze of my inner babbling.

"Yes?" I responded, trying not to squeal in happiness. Matt smiled lazily at me and my heart leapt.

"I love you." He said, his voice still quiet. It hurt knowing that it wasn't the same Matt I'd known, but at least he was on the road to recovery.

"I love you too." I whispered to him, hoping he could hear me. He made moves to sit up, so I stood up. He patted the seat next to me and I obliged. He wrapped his arm around me, holding me close to his body. I smiled as I relaxed into his familiar warmth. I shuffled a bit, leaning on the arm of the sofa. What? I liked to sit on the ends. Matt knew this, and he smiled lightly as I started to veer towards to arm. He simply moved with me, pretending it was normal.

For us, this was completely normal. Granted, it had been over a year since we had sat like this.

"Matt." I said. He gave me a questioning look, holding onto me tighter.

"If you cheated on me while I was sick, I'll forgive you." He mumbled into my hair. Pangs of regret slid through my stomach.

"Matt I'd _never _cheat on you! That's not what I was gonna ask." I pouted. He laughed lightly. I sniffed, the lovely scent of lavender and lemons drifting up my nose.

"Listen… what do you want for your birthday?" I asked him, hesitantly. His eyes widened as he shrugged.

"I've got you. That's all I need." He muttered, smiling. I pulled away from him, looking at him in his gorgeous grassy eyes. He smiled, a smile that twinkled in his eyes.

He drew me up to his chest, holding onto me tightly.

"Can I tell you something?" Matt asked, to which I nodded. "I…you were the only thing that has kept me sane. I mean, my past isn't exactly lovely. And I thought I was gonna go insane. The constant…whispering in my dreams. But you, my lovely Suzu, you kept me alive. The way your soft fingers would caress my hand. The way you told me all about your life, what had happened. The times you told me you loved me. Just…you."

Matt breathed heavily. He looked like he had gotten weaker, or had had a weight lifted off him, after his confession. I sat in his arms, at a loss for words.

"So… what did happen in your past?" I asked, somewhat fearful. Matt stiffened, before slowly relaxing again.

"Well…okay, I'll tell you. You see, I had a brother and sister. The key word here is _had._ When… when I was 10 I moved to a different school, and a new set of foster parents. I don't know what happened to my real parents." He shrugged. "Back then, I was in a rebellious phase and had dyed my hair a blue black colour. The school couldn't do anything about it. It looked fairly natural."

He laughed a little, yet his grip grew stronger.

"Well… one day my brother, sister and I went home to an empty house. We were used to this. However, there was no note, no food nothing. We thought nothing of it at first and proceeded to learn how to cook. My elder sister did it, as she was pretty good at cooking. I just sat and did…well whatever. I don't remember."

Matt tensed.

"And then, I made a horrible discovery. I walked into my foster parents' bedroom, seeing if there was any money in there I could steal." Matt swallowed. "I saw them…hanging from the ceiling. My father, anyways. My mother… she was being raped _right in front of me._ I didn't know what I was supposed to do, so I ran away, ran down the stairs. I heard a muffled scream when I turned around, knowing my mother was dead. I went downstairs, warning my siblings. They didn't believe me, and my sister told me to stop scaremongering. At least, that's what she said before she saw the man behind me. There was also a woman, who got my sister and shoved a hand over her mouth. There was blood dripping down her hands."

My eyes widened, yet Matt couldn't stop.

"And… I watched her burn my sister with a lighter, enjoying as she screamed. My little brother hid behind me, not knowing there was a man behind me. The man took my brother, forcing him against the door. Yet there was nothing I could do. I was stood in the kitchen, watching as my siblings were murdered in front of me. I…I picked the knife that my sister was using and stabbed it in the man's leg. It was too late for my brother."

Matt sighed.

"And then, I went to this girl's house, blood covering my shirt. Funnily enough, she had the same name as you do. I knocked on her door, knowing that they were following me. Luckily, her mother was a cop, and she had just come home from work, seeing me outside of the front door. She asked me what I was doing and I told her, PTSD slurring and morphing my words. She turned around, seeing the two criminals. They had changed their clothes, and the mother of my friend didn't have her policewoman uniform on. They asked for me back, claiming I was their son. I recoiled, curling into a ball, wishing the girl inside would come outside and comfort me."

My heart lurched. Why did this all sound familiar?

"And her mother drew a gun from her belt and shot the duo, tranquilising them as I later found out. She told me she would house me for a while, but later she would have to give me away. I… after a few weeks I told her what had happened. However, she'd already seen the crime scene. Her mind spiralled into depression, and she became more hateful. I don't think she'd seen something so gruesome. It was more painful to live it. Oh, I didn't tell you! The girl inside was only 9, and her mother tried to spare her. But over the years, bits probably leaked out and she probably found out."

My mother changed when I was 9…

"Anyways, L found me when I was running from the wrath of that woman. I can't remember what triggered it. I might have accidentally called her mother again, or made some reference to that night. I don't remember clearly. So, I was running, and Roger found me, on L's orders. I was offered a place in Wammy's house and things went on from there."

Why did this all sound similar to what had happened to me?

"I guess, if I'm admitting, I'll tell you why I play games so much." Matt loosened his hold slightly, rubbing his eyes. "Well, the girl used to always have a game console in her hands. I used to play games so I could remember her. That girl was my first love. I only regret that I don't remember her very well anymore. Just her name. I think it's quite nice how you two are so similar." Matt laughed, kissing the top of my head.

"Matt…what was your name in that school?" I asked hesitantly. I didn't want to know the truth.

"Hmm? Oh, I was called Mail. Mail Jeevas." He whispered in my ear. "Because then, I didn't use code names. I prefer Matt more, though."

"Uh… this girl…Suzume… was her mother's name Miranda?" I asked. He nodded enthusiastically, before frowning.

"Did you know her?" He asked. You rolled your eyes.

"Name of the school?"

"Rosehill primary." He answered quickly. "What-"

"That girl…was me. You had the blackest hair I had seen, and your eyes were a bright blue. They twinkled a lot, and you always seemed quite happy. Your elder sister, though in comprehensive, and I often talked. I went over to your place a lot. That day… when I saw you… your eyes were green, the tips of your hair a dark red. You hadn't put your contacts in and you had to re-dye your hair." I spoke monotonously.

"R-really? Wow. I never knew it was you." He murmured.

"That's because I had very short hair and wore wigs to school. To hide my origins. Because my mother hated my hair, for some reason, and she thought that no one else should see it." I clenched my fists.

Matt tipped my head up, and brought his lips to mine gently, brushing his lips against mine.

"I loved you even then." Matt whispered. I stroked his chin, where he had stubble. Then, I laughed.

"I forgot to shave you when you were in a coma! So, naturally, I took a picture of you to show you!" I picked up the ipod on the table, and flicked through the photos. He grimaced, looking at his Dumbledore beard.

"Yes, it was rather interesting shaving it off this morning." He grumbled, fighting back a smile. "And shaving other things too."

I pulled a face. "I don't wanna know about that!"

He grinned, his emerald eyes sparkling.

"Just shut up and kiss me." I demanded, blushing furiously. He brought his lips to mine again, gently. A bit _too _gently. I pushed him backwards, so I was sprawled on top of him. I brought my lips down to his, kissing him in quick succession, teasing him lightly. He moaned when I delicately kissed the soft spot on his neck.

"Oh yeah, you haven't smoked once since being in the coma so I don't expect you to start now." I pointed out, looking at him. He grimaced, running a hand through his scarlet hair.

"Fine whatever." He said, tugging at the bottom of my nightingown. I let him remove it, knowing I had shorts and underwear underneath. When Matt saw this, he made a small sound of disappointment.

"Aww really?" Matt groaned. I nodded. I ran my hands through his silky hair, simultaneously running my hands down his sides. He moaned in pleasure, before kissing me fully on the lips, his hands caressing my curves. He nipped my lower lip, smiling into the kiss. He kissed me passionately, our lips moving in sync. He slipped his tongue in my mouth, exploring every inch before hastily retreating for breath. He breathed on my neck lightly, causing me to sensually shiver. He reached up behind me, aiming to remove my bra.

"Hi, Su- Oh my god!" Mello shouted. Matt and I froze, neither of us sure what to do.

"Uh… I already put it away for you. Listen, Matt's not gonna be happy to see you cheating on him when he wakes up." Mello babbled. I rolled my eyes, picking up my nightingown, giving a look to Matt.

_Stay._ I conveyed with my eyes.

"Oh and it's _not _fine I mean look at you! Trying to lose your V to this random guy! I mean, I can't even see his face! What is he, Jason? Freddy fucking Kruger?" Mello's tone grew in volume. Matt's head popped up over the sofa as he looked at Mello.

"Yo."

Mello stared, his mouth open.

"Mello, what's taking you so long! Hurry up and get her!" I heard Near's irritated call from the kitchen.

"Shut up, _Nate._" He hissed, still staring. He pointed at him. "You're not dead?"

"Do I look dead?"

"Yeah."

"Idiot."

"Love you too." Mello laughed, before clapping Matt on the back.

"You compared me to Freddy Kruger." Matt whined, unruffled. Mello looked taken aback, before blushing shamelessly.

"Yeah… sorry about that." Mello looked up at me, noticing something.

"Hey, Suzume… pull that dress thing down a second." He looked at me curiously. I did so, without thinking. Mello swore colourfully before walking around and gripping the tops of my arms tightly.

"What were you thinking?" He hissed, pointing to the scar on my stomach. I swallowed. I'd forgotten about that. "And _those! _I'm pretty sure they were never there!"

He pointed to the crosses that slashed the heart on my chest. Matt looked at me, properly. Then, his eyes widened.

Mello counted the lines on the heart.

"51, 52… my god, you did it for every week he was out?" Mello asked incredulously. I nodded, tears threatening to spill. Mello slapped me across the face.

I held my stinging face with a look of surprise.

"What…?" I asked, my eyes wide. Mello looked angry.

"You were suffering, and you never told me!" Mello seethed, his blue eyes like fire. Matt didn't intervene.

"I'm sorry! What did you expect me to do! You can't tell me that you don't have scars for every time Near rejected you!" I blurted out, covering my mouth instantly. Mello recoiled, a look of sympathy replacing the look of hate.

"I understand. I do. But…don't do this anymore, okay? And if you're careful, that _thing _you carved on your stomach won't scar." Mello said, running a hand through his hair. He looked at me dead in the eyes.

"Promise me you won't do anything so stupid again.. Please." Mello pleaded.

"I promise. I'm sorry for doing this."

Mello drew me in a hug. "It's okay." He whispered, as if he were trying to convince the both of us. I picked one of my shirts I had thrown carelessly to the floor and slipped it on, trying not to make a smutty comment about Matt being half naked.

Near came into the room, looking slightly perturbed.

"Now our little reunion is over, can we please move along?" Near grumbled.

"Oh shut up! Just cause you're 16 tomorrow." Mello made a face.

Near smiled a bit, his onyx eyes twinkling.

"Shit." I cursed. I'd totally forgotten!

"It's okay. I want you to bake me a cake anyways. A three tiered cake starting with fruit sponge, carrot cake and then a lemon drizzle cake, all covered in white icing. Okay?" Near asked. I balked. I was supposed to do this in a _day?_

"Yeah, sure…whatever…" I muttered. This would be interesting!

"Now, I also want to sell this place, so would you mind moving back in with us? We've upgraded now and have a… town house." Near smiled. I nodded, and Matt's jaw hit the floor.

He had always wanted to live in a townhouse.

"Good. The house removal vans are here." Near spoke with a smile, laughing lightly.

"I _knew _it!" I laughed along with him. "I'll start the cake back at…ours?"

"Yeah. Ours."

Matt and I kept running around the town house, trying to decide which rooms to take over. Well, we'd only really need two- if we had an ensuite.

Which we did!

So, we had our own bathroom, bedroom, and games room… it's starting to look like we might live in the games room. It was huge! And, Near had personally renovated it for us, according to Mello.

In reality, Mello had gone shopping and he had put it away… just not at the place we used to call home.

I sighed, desperately needing a shower. I just wanted to wash away all of the bad times and make new ones with Matt. And, naturally, the shower was huge. So, it seemed I'd be in here a while! I'd just have to make sure not to fall asleep, like the last time… what? I was tired, and I didn't want to get out…

At least I'd turned off the water first.

I began undressing, knowing that Matt was…well, wherever Matt was. How am I supposed to know? I let my clothes fall to the floor, in a dignified heap. I sighed and turned around, disregarding the clothes that lay on the floor.

Suddenly, I heard the doors open and close. I froze in my tracks, looking behind me slowly. Horror movie moment! My heart beat quickly, afraid to see who had caught me naked.

Oh. It was Matt.

"Uh…hi?" I asked, looking at him. He walked over to me and stood in front of me, gaping. "You want to join me in a shower? I mean, you've already showered, but…"

He nodded quickly as I tugged at his clothes. I wandered over to the ensuite, opening the door and then the glass door of the shower. I turned on the shower, and apparently also the naked man creeping up behind me.

"Get in." He said, huskily. God knows where his clothes had gone. He had probably torn them to shreds when taking them off. Sometimes, he is _too _eager.

I stepped in, reaching for the lavender shower gel. Luckily, I didn't have to wash my hair today. I drew it slowly over my body, massaging it into my arms and legs. I continued up my body, lathering well. Then, I turned, facing Matt. I pressed my body to his, drawing him in a kiss. He responded immediately, a blush forming on his face. I demanded entrance, and decidedly roamed his mouth with my tongue, a devilish look in my eyes.

I got the lavender shower gel and rubbed it into his body, earning groans of pleasure from my lover. He grinned wickedly, before kissing and biting my neck, leaving little brands of love on my sensitive flesh. I shivered with pleasure. The shower washed away the shower gel, leaving us standing around for no reason.

I reached for the taps, but it appeared that he wasn't finished with me yet.

"Suzu… Being in a coma for a year makes you really horny." He grunted, kissing me fully on the lips, with all the passion he could muster.

I felt an outward symbol of his arousal dig into my side. Just because he's too tall.

I bit my lip seductively, my body wanting him. He rubbed my hips sensually, and I felt all of the tension and fear ebb away in those tiny circling movements.

"I…I want you." I managed, trying to hold back the moans. It would be really awkward if Near or Mello decided to, you know, walk in on us…because we didn't lock the doors because we're morons.

"You sure?" He asked, hesitantly. You had to give the guy credit. He was horny as hell and he was _still _exercising restraint.

"Mmn." I muttered. He placed me up against the wall opposite the shower, holding me gently.

He placed his arousal at my entrance, almost as if he couldn't believe he was actually going to do it.

Suddenly, he thrusted inside me, causing a small hiss of pain to erupt from my mouth. He froze in his tracks.

"I'm fine." I growled at him. He thrust again, more gently this time. Pain mixed with pleasure… who would've thought it felt like this?

He thrust again, and I started to moan loudly. His hands wound themselves around my wet hair, panting with the force of his thrusts.

I blushed darkly as I felt a tightening in my vital regions, my moaning uncontrollable.

It felt like… having to let something go. I had an animalistic need now, a need for _Matt._

"Oh, yes! Matt! Please.._._ harder!" I screamed in ecstasy as he thrust harder and faster. The feeling only intensified.

"S-Suzu!" He moaned. I moaned loudly as well. I may as well been on cloud 9!

"I'm…I'm…" I stuttered not able to finish my sentence. Matt kissed me quickly as he climaxed, along with me.

I panted heavily, wanting to sleep already. I turned off the shower water, dried us both, and retreated to the bed.

"Sweet dreams, darling." Matt whispered, before lulling me into a comforting sleep.

Yeah…I'd feel this tomorrow.

~Mello's P.o.V~

I looked up from my magazine, which I had hidden inside another. What! I didn't want Near knowing about my…perversions…

Anyways, I looked up. Why did I look up and 'accidentally' catch Near's eye? Oh, because Matt and Suzume were fucking.

"Oh my God you would've thought they'd give it a _day." _I groaned, returning to my magazine. Near was sitting, reading something on Suzu's ipod as well.

"Whatever. You're totally jealous." Near commented. I blushed darkly, looking at him furiously.

"So what if I am?" I retorted hotly.

"If you're lucky… I might give you a present tomorrow." Near commented, smiling.

"Awesome! Is it chocolate?" I asked. He snickered.

"It _could _have something to do with chocolate." He said, cryptically.

"Fuck yeah! Oh, I'm happy now!" I made a happy face and returned to my magazine.

I heard breathing in my ear and looked up into Near's face, startled.

"I always knew you had weird perversions." He said.

"Y-yeah? I bet robots aren't the only toys you play with!" I laughed at Near's serious face.

"Oh, you're gonna get it now." He said, pouncing on me. I dropped the magazine, looking into Near's gorgeous eyes.

He brought his lips to mine, barely brushing them, before taking off to somewhere else.

"Oh come on!" I growled. "You're such a tease!"

"Shut it or you won't get your present!" I heard Near's voice. I sat down, pouting. I knew he didn't mean it. I mean, he'd give it to me… right?

Still, I was quiet.


	8. Birthday Treats

I awoke, rubbing my eyes a little. I felt strangely numb… and I still felt as if I were on cloud 9. It's a really nice feeling. I turned to the right slightly, seeing Matt's sleeping face. I screwed my face up a little bit, annoyed that he was still sleeping. I bit my lip, thinking hard. Where had I put Near's present?

Moreover, did I remember this year?

I'm sure I did. It would be hiding somewhere. I know Matt didn't get him anything. I think, maybe, I got him some sort of outfit.

Oh yeah! I remember…

~Flashback~

"Near, I have no idea what to get you." I told him, my sanity still in place. Matt hadn't been in his coma for very long and I still went out at this point.

"Well… I can tell you what I want. Or you can come with me and I'll choose it." Near muttered restlessly, tousling his hair around his finger absentmindedly. "Where's Mello?"

"I don't know. He's probably with another lass again. He should really stop denying his sexuality." I murmured, more to myself. Near's interest piqued a little as he regarded me suspiciously.

"Mello is supposedly gay?" Near asked, interested. I nodded.

"Totally." I responded. Near bit his cheek thoughtfully.

After that, we set off in the car. Neither of us should be driving, but Near drove anyways. Who knew he could _actually _drive?

When we got to the shopping complex, Near paused thoughtfully before slipping me a fake ID.

"You're gonna need this where we're going." He told me, a ghost of a grin on his face. I smiled back, wondering if he had lost his mind. At the time, I wasn't sure where we were going to go. In hindsight, I really should've realised.

I had an incredulous look on my face when we entered Ann Summers. I whispered things like, 'do we really have to be here?' and 'can't I just shop online?'

Near waved away all of my questions.

"Mello can't find out about this. Listen, I'm going to tell him how I feel on my birthday." Near told me. I stiffened.

"What are you going to do if he rejects you?" I asked fearfully. A pained expression crossed Near's face.

"I'll… I don't know. I'll go meet horny singles in Philadelphia or something." Near said, his expression so serious I couldn't help but laugh.

~Flashback end~

I laughed quietly to myself. I still wasn't sure. Either way, it sure sounded like Near and Mello had gotten together. Well, from the kissing and the other romantic…stuff.

I need to remember not to swear so much. It's such a bad habit.

I reached into the cupboard where I kept Near's wrapped presents. Yeah, I said presents. He wanted some BDSM gear and a nurse's outfit for some reason. The latter is most likely for Mello. Imagine him…

No! I can't laugh out loud or I'll wake Matt! Yes, I must practise control…

I snorted, my body shaking from repressed laughter. Matt made an undignified noise and slipped further under the covers, snorting.

I looked at his pillow and tried again to suppress laughter. I mean, he drooled in his sleep! That's kinda funny… makes me wonder what he was dreaming about.

I sighed loudly and got out of the bed, proceeding to exit quietly. I yawned, running a hand through my unbrushed hair. I made a mental note to actually brush the birds nest. But first, I really need some food. My stomach is growling, my vital regions ache, and goddamn it I want chocolate!

I leaned into the fridge, searching for Mello's chocolate. He always had a really nice brand. I never pause to read the brand. I kinda have to shove it in my mouth and run before the smell hits Mello's nose.

Then, I had the most disgusting idea in the world. However, it didn't stop me from doing it.

I quickly melted a little bit of white chocolate and milk, praying that everyone was still asleep. I mixed like a madwoman, grinning devilishly. I looked at the disgusting mixture with a grimace. I can't believe I'm about to do what I'm about to do. I added salt… and a spoon… cause everything tastes better with salt, right?

Anyways, I wandered into Near and Mello's room with a smile. Both were passed out on the bed, looking like sad jenga pieces that were toppled.

Really, Suzume? Jenga?

I picked the spoon out of the white mess and made sure it was warm. I was lucky Mello and Near were very heavy sleepers. I put some dribbles of the white mess on Mello's hands and stomach, and some on Near's face in questionable places.

Then… and here's for the best part… I dumped it in Matt's face and ran out of the room, giggling.

I heard a muffled grunt, followed by snoring. I stopped in the corridor, my smile fading.

Did Matt seriously just sleep through _that?_

Anyways, I'll have the last laugh when it dries…

I sat up suddenly, finding myself asleep on the couch. I stared at my naked body. Had I really forgotten to put clothes on?

I stood up, yawning sleepily. What had woken me up?

I heard yelling, followed by a crash.

"Near! What the fuck happened last night?" Mello's angry voice rang through the walls.

"Don't ask me! You're the one who's got…that all over their body!" Near yelled back. There was another crash, followed by a door slamming. I peeked into the hallway, seeing Mello pinning Near up against the wall.

They whispered something that was only barely audible.

"If you were that desperate to fuck me, why didn't you say so?" Mello asked. Near looked sheepish.

"I swear I did nothing!" Near protested. Mello went to say something else, but Near pressed his feverish lips to Mello's. It took all, and I mean _all, _of my willpower not to take photos. Mello drew back after a while, panting a little.

Matt stumbled out of our room, the white stuff dried all over his face and body.

Of course, there was also the little doodled moustache and glasses no one thought to mention.

Near and Mello looked at him suspiciously, before bursting into fits of laughter. Matt just glared at them.

"What?" He asked, irritably. Mello just pointed, laughing hysterically. Near remained more collected, laughing into Mello's shoulder.

"Oh shut up! At least I don't look like I've been sucked off!" Matt growled. Near's eyes widened and Mello looked at him.

"Yeah it kinda does." He admitted, quietly. Mello cast a look down at himself.

"Where's Suzume, anyways?" Near piped up. Mello, Matt and Near looked at each other, a groan escaping their lips before looking my way.

I grinned broadly, a little too nonchalantly for my liking. Matt advanced towards me, his green eyes flashing. I turned around slowly, aiming to run away as quickly as I could.

Naturally, the author hates me, so I didn't get away. Matt grabbed my arm, yanking me to a halt. I looked up at him, my eyes as wide as a puppy's. He ran his other hand through his hair in annoyance.

"What were you thinking?" He ground out.

"You wouldn't wake up!" I pointed out defensively. It's true after all! Distantly, I heard shower water being run. What a wonderful birthday Near must be having! But, I digress…

Matt made an incoherent grumbling noise before yanking my arm forcefully, leading me back to the bedroom. He slammed the door shut, pushing me up against it roughly. I winced a little from the back pain.

He panted slightly, his eyes wild… with lust?

"Why do you make it so hard on me, love?" He asked his voice rough. I had no answer, so I stayed quiet. He brought his lips to mine in a long lingering kiss filled with love, lust and all of that.

He tangled his hands in my hair, his lips hungry, as if he had never eaten in days.

I knew exactly where this was going. Good job I'd left Near's present in the living room.

**~Mello's P.o.V~**

I was sitting on the sofa…

With Near…

Watching romantic comedies.

…

Seriously. It's embarrassing. He's just lucky it's his birthday.

Anyways, I'd take a romantic comedy over hearing how much my best friends were getting. Seriously, I'm _this _far away from getting some sort of pole and shoving it up one of their arses…

…

Maybe not. Too much effort. Plus, I'll be scarred for life. Again.

"Near? I'm gonna go get some chocolate. I'm hungry." I complained, standing up and stretching my legs. I walked into the kitchen, planning on melting a lot of chocolate. I would make a banmarie, but I'm too lazy. I'll use the microwave.

I picked out my favourite chocolate, frowning when I realised there was one missing. I'm going to massacre Suzume and I'm going to enjoy it.

Okay maybe not. I'll just make her buy more.

Anyways, I had plans for this chocolate, and it was going in my mouth. Jeez, could I make myself sound any cheaper?

I'll have you know that in the days I did get paid, I wasn't cheap. I was just desperate. Ah, the memories.

Well, I had to do _something _when I got the chance to sneak out of the mafia.

Moving on…

The microwave pinged, earning a sigh of relief. Thankfully, it had interrupted my inner tirade. I didn't particularly want to remember those days. The pay was okay, but I felt so used by everyone. Not to mention I was so lucky not to be a member of the STD club. I mean, I could say to chicks 'I put the STD in stud ^_^'…

Except I wouldn't say it to chicks…

Yeah, the whole homosexual thing?

And I wouldn't use that to pick anyone up. Unless I wanted to infect the whole world.

What a good idea! I should've caught an STD and given it to Kira the bastard! That would teach him to kill people. But then I'd die too.

Or write 'death by STD' in my death note… yeah that would've been great! Why didn't I think of that?

"Because it's stupid." Near said from behind me. I jumped 5 foot in the air, my heart thundering in my chest.

"W…What do you mean?" I chuckled nervously. Near raised an eyebrow. Had I really said that out loud?

"Yes you did. Now please stop airing your thoughts you sound like an idiosyncratic imbecile." Near said, smiling lightly.

I would've marvelled at the wonder that is chocolate, but obviously Near had different ideas.

His hands travelled down my body, resting on my waist. I blushed lightly, focussing furiously on the chocolate masterpiece that was in front of me. He spun me around, looking at me deep in the eyes.

He kissed my lips lightly, taking the chocolate from behind me and walking away with it. What was worse was it wasn't just chocolate…it was white chocolate. Which happened to be the sole thing Near and I argued about. I quite liked it, but it was his favourite.

"Dammit I'm the one who slaved over that!" I growled, following him. Apparently, he had wandered back into the living room and was swirling a finger in the chocolate, licking his finger when he withdrew it. I gulped and tried desperately not to think of thoughts.

Suppress the thoughts…

…

Suppress them damn it!

…

Okay I failed.

Near looked up at me teasingly, a question on his lips.

"You're such a pain in the arse." I muttered. Near grinned.

"I'll _give _you a pain in the arse." He retorted. I grumbled about his quick wittedness. Stupid kid being so smart and everything!

Near swirled a finger in the chocolate again, as if summoning the courage to do _something._ Now I had a very good idea what that something was. I'm just not telling you.

I walked back in the kitchen and got a spoon for myself, so I could…you know, drink the chocolate. Sorta. Anyways, there's no way I'm dipping chocolate in the chocolate and I don't know where the fruit was…

Okay I would dip chocolate in the chocolate if I had any more chocolate in. But that's all disappeared too.

I might have died a little inside.

Near looked up at me upon my return, his eyes as wide as saucers. What did he think I was gonna do with this?

I sat next to him, leaning over him towards the chocolate sitting in his lap. Huh, it's still warm. I dipped the spoon in and brought it to my mouth, wrapping my tongue around the spoon. Near blushed, well aware of what I was thinking of.

No I'm not going to tell you.

…

Just guess instead.

Nevertheless, I was enjoying the taste immensely. Wow, I used a big word. I should stop that it makes me sound smart.

I dipped the spoon in again, but it dripped down me, staining white on my leather. It dripped from the corner of my mouth. I made a small sound of annoyance. I don't even know what to call it, it was so damn stupid.

Near leaned towards me, licking the chocolate off the side of my mouth. He placed delicate little kisses on me, heading towards my mouth. When did he become so experienced?

He kissed me on the lips in an open mouthed kiss, pushing me down. For some reason, we were in front of the sofa. Not on it, in front of it.

He straddled me, causing my face to take on a red hue. He brought his confident lips down to mine, the taste of chocolate on his lips. He slipped his tongue in my mouth, the kissing become rougher and less thought about.

Near trailed his hands up my body, slipping his hands under my shirt. His hands moved under my shirt and I spluttered in protests. I brought my hands up to his white shirt, unbuttoning it slowly. I practically ripped it off, desire taking over reason.

Near brought his lips down to mine in a chaste kiss, making me beg again. I moaned out for him and he just smiled. Teasing git.

He unzipped my shirt from the inside and I shifted so he could remove it. He gave me a chaste kiss again, rocking his hips and making me bite my lip to keep me from making a noise.

He laughed teasingly, pressing me down further. He trailed butterfly kisses down my neck, hitting my sweet spot. I wriggled desperately, trying to think of a way of flipping him. He reached behind him and got the chocolate.

No…he's not, is he?

He dribbled the chocolate down my body, making me pant desperately.

He kissed my neck, licking and teasing the places where the chocolate was dripping down in drips.

He dripped more of the chocolate down my body, cooling the heat of my body. I gasped as he trailed his saliva downwards, ripping my pants off in his animalistic desire.

He bit the top of my boxers, kissing my stomach. I moved my hands to his hair as he brought his head nearer to mine.

I moved my head closer to his, our lips connecting lustfully. I craned my head to the side. I wanted to deepen the kiss and the pleasure…

I wanted to go far with him.

"Happy birthday," I whispered seductively in his ear. Near smiled, a predatory smile.

I just feel sorry for the carpets.


	9. For Your Entertainment

~Mello's P.o.V~

I felt his wet tongue trailing my chest, making my body heat up even further. I had to grit my teeth to stop the noises that threatened to come.

Near looked at me, dead in the eyes, a silent question. I nodded, still desperately trying to suppress those lustful moans.

He removed my boxers slowly, keeping his eyes on me all the time. I strained to remove his clothes, leaving him in only his boxers. Clothes were strewn everywhere and forgotten and lust hung over us like a rain cloud.

He moved his hands down my body, cupping my member. I stiffened, the pressure on my lips increasing as I withheld moans. Near grinned.

"Beg." He said devilishly.

"Never!" I grunted out, not letting him show how much it was affecting me.

His lips moved down my stomach, my temperature rising as I realised what he was going to do.

"Ngh!" I protested. He looked up at me, and reached behind me again.

Ah. Chocolate.

Wait. He was going to use _chocolate? _Oh hell no!

It _was _the sinful kind of chocolate.

Near kissed the tip of my member and I drew in a sharp breath. The air whistled between my lips as he licked it slowly. I couldn't let the kid dominate! I'm more experienced!

…

…

…

Experienced at bottoming.

He licked it again, making me shudder delicately. Then, he took it slowly in his mouth, his lustful onyx eyes on mine all of the time. I grit my teeth to stop myself from moaning.

God, it felt great. It felt so wrong, because I was bottom, but right at the same time.

He drew back, sucking again. The moans erupted from my mouth as I threw a hand over my mouth and fisted the other in his hair.

"Oh… Near…" I mewled, embarrassed by my own voice. He grinned, taking more of my length. I moaned loudly, thrusting my hips instinctively. Near didn't seem to mind.

He pulled back, making a pop sound. He poured some of the chocolate onto my prick and I almost swore. The pleasure was intense, especially as he licked and sucked the chocolate off of me.

I felt an all too familiar coiling feeling in my stomach. I gripped Near's hair tighter, groaning in pleasure.

"I…I'm… so close!" I ground out, trying to hold back. He stroked it with his hand, grinning.

"Don't hold back." He whispered seductively, taking my length again. I _did _hold back though, trying desperately not to let go of the feeling.

Eventually, I had to come. And come I did. Near held on for a moment, swallowing. I swallowed too, the kinkiness turning me on again.

Near laughed sensually, stroking me again. I leant my head backwards, hitting the cold floor. Near took the chocolate, and smeared it all over his fingers. Then, he began stretching himself.

He pushed on finger in, closely followed by the second. He moaned, biting his lip, drawing a little blood.

Yeah, seriously. It was really hot. It took all of my willpower not to take him just there. Instead, I pushed him back slightly, capturing his lips roughly. He moaned into the kiss, more so as I slyly slipped my tongue I his mouth.

Near moaned as he hit his prostate, the feeling bliss. Well, it must've been with a cute face like that.

I moved his hand out, coating mine with chocolate. I shoved two fingers in, earning a gasp from Near. I kissed away the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. I moved my fingers, searching for that one place. All the while, Near was making lustful mewls of pleasure.

I pushed in a third finger, finding that spot. Near's eyes widened as he jerked his hips slightly. Suddenly, lust clouded his eyes as he forcefully pushed me onto my back. He held my head so I didn't hurt myself.

...I wonder if he's used to doing this. He leaned over me, kissing me, chocolate escaping from the side of his mouth. He put more chocolate on my member, kissing it quickly. He looked at me, biting the same spot on his lips.

"Are you…?" I asked. He nodded. He slowly lowered himself on me. I almost gasped at his tightness, but he gasped in pain. I held him as he lay against me for a second.

I stroked his cheek delicately as he collected himself.

"Move." He said, commandingly. I did, pulling out slowly and thrusting upwards. He moaned in pleasure, content to let me do the work. I thrusted up again, faster this time. I picked up the pace, angling myself to get that bundle of nerves.

Near gave a seductive moan and began to take matters in his own hands. He moved up and down, his tightness threatening to push me over the bed.

"Faster…please." Near begged. I smirked.

"Who's begging now?" I teased.

"I need you. Now. And it's my birthday." Near pointed out, between breaths.

I thrusted upwards in response, hitting those nerves again. Near clasped one of my hands in his, the other in my hair as he left his marks on my neck. My hand trailed down his body, leaving smears of chocolate. I quickly gripped his neglected prick and he gasped loudly, his forehead touching mine.

He ground his hips against mine, riding me. I felt that same coiling feeling again, and bit my lip sexily. Near groaned and quickened the pace.

"Near… I'm…a-ah." I managed out, trying to hold on. Near hugged me quickly, still continuing the pace.

I stroked his length in time to my thrusts, feeling pre cum dribbling over my hand.

"Near!" I yelled, not hiding my pleasure any longer.

"Oh…Mello…" Near moaned wantonly, as I felt the warm milky substance coat my hand and body. I came a few moments later, riding out the orgasm slowly.

I pulled out, fatigued.

He laid his head on my chest, his eyes closing. I'm guessing he was tired too. He moved his body so he was lying next to me. He put his arms around me and fell into a deep sleep.

That looks…

So tempting…

…

~Suzume's P.o.V~

I walked into the living room, greeted with naked sleeping men. Lovely. It's exactly what you want to see when you've just woken up. What was worse, they couldn't even clean themselves up! I mean, I don't know _what's _in that bowl, but it's one of two things.

I really hope it isn't what it looks like. Cause then they've been _busy._

Anyways, at least I managed to sleep before they started. And to think, Near didn't even use his birthday present! Honestly, I don't know why I bother sometimes.

I skirted around the sleeping forms, trying to get over how cute yet disgusting the whole scene was. I mean, it's the living room! I watch things in here! And it smells like one of Kesha's new perfumes!

Pure sex and lust and probably drugs.

If they have been taking drugs, I'll kick their arses from here to next week! And yes I'm classing Viagra as a drug right now.

…

I picked up the suspicious looking bowl and cast an evil look at the two sleeping beauties on the floor. They were the reason I never wanted children.

I washed it out in the kitchen, the contents getting all over my hands. I licked some of the substance off of my hands, pretending that I wasn't doing what I was doing. It tasted like… chocolate?

Kinky. Didn't think he had a chocolate fetish. Honestly, when I was teasing him about his chocolate the other week, maybe that's what the blush was all about. If he used it as lube, it would be no wonder it vanishes so quickly.

And he always uses white chocolate. If it looks like Near, it's white, then it is Near, right? I bet he has dirty fantasies about Near…

But I digress.

I should really stop doing that.

I really hope that the white stuff on their bodies was chocolate as well. Somehow I don't think so. I sighed loudly and got a damp washcloth, heading for the slumbering idiots. Yeah, they're idiots. When Matt realised what they got on his DS… oh they're gonna _die._

I mean, I could be a nice person and clean it off and pretend it didn't happen. However, I'm not that nice. That couch… which I consider mine… has suspicious stains on it. They either had sex on it or beside it and that disturbs me.

What disturbs me more is I found a hidden camera in the room as well…

…

…

Yeah I actually didn't put it there either. Shocker, huh?

Anyways, I cleaned them off, not disturbing either of them, and proceeded to do the washing. It was easier now they weren't wearing any clothes. I could just wash them along with everything else.

Suddenly, I had a great idea. Why don't we just walk around naked? I've seen it all, now. They have nothing to hide from me.

I also found out Near _doesn't _bleach his hair and it's natural. Same with Matt. I was _convinced _it was dyed. However, I'm wrong.

And I'm going off topic again. Now, why do I think we should all walk around naked? Well, I'm sick of cleaning up after the slobs. They leave their mess and clothes everywhere. And I'm the one who has to run around after them all, picking up everything they drop.

They totally use my OCD against me.

And I can't help it! You wouldn't wanna live with them if you saw how disgusting they could be.

…

I sorted the clothes out into blacks, whites and colours. Then, I picked up the blacks and shoved them in the washing machine, placing a pillow on top of the clothes towards the back. I pressed start twice and the door locked itself.

I had checked all the pockets and stuff. Knowing those idiots, they've left something they need in those pockets. Well, it's going through the wash now. And there's nothing they can do about it.

Except scream like the girls they are. I mean, seriously, listen to the drunkards when they are released with beer and a games console. Even Near, who hates drinking, got drunk once.

…

…

…

I never want to see Near do a striptease ever again. _Ever._ It was like kissing your brother. You might try it to see what it feels like but it's just weird. Or, one I can empathise with, kissing someone who you're best friends with. I mean, the relationship never lasted long. I wanted to kiss him, I did, but whenever I imagined what it would be like, I'd feel nauseous and just feel plain _wrong. _Anyways, I did kiss him.

It was horrible.

Not only couldn't he kiss, he was a massive pervert and thought it was perfectly okay to touch your girlfriend of not-even-a-week's body in a sexual manner.

No. Just no.

Eventually, I finished the washing and had nothing to do. Near and Mello were still asleep, Matt was god knows where… he hadn't left me a note or anything! And he expected me to babysit Near and Mello? Jeez, Mello's older than me!

I think.

Anyways, it's going to be a really boring day.

I was sitting on the couch, having braved my fear of the spunk stains, watching Don't Tell The Bride. Honestly, I loved this show! Mello and I would sit and discuss it. At length.

But oh no. Someone was still asleep with their boyfriend!

It was quite hilarious when I looked down at them to see Near had kicked Mello in his sleep, then proceeded to lay on top of him. So now, there was Mello sandwich on the floor.

I walked into the kitchen, grabbing some chocolate from the fridge. Mello wasn't awake to tell me not to eat it. So, there was nothing he could do. And from the looks of things, he was the bottom so he's not moving around any time soon. Ah, that's such a wicked thought. I can say _whatever _I want to him… just because he can't fight back. Sounds fun.

I wandered back into the room, seeing Mello lying on the couch with Near on top of him. Kissing. Passionately. With tongues.

I snapped a quick picture before bypassing them completely and returning to my room, swallowing my sadness. I… I wish that was Matt and I right now.

I don't know where Matt is… I don't know what he's up to.

I do know that our anniversary of my father's death is upon us soon. I had to spend the last one alone, as Near and Mello were preoccupied.

I…I cried the whole day. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and shredded at the mere thought that he was dead. It's one thing to know that you have a dad out there, even if you don't know who he is. Even if someone told me he was dead, and I didn't know him, I don't think it would've been as hard.

But… I don't regret knowing him. Our time together was short but sweet.

…

I thought of what I had just seen, the way their hands were joined, the love in their actions.

God, I wanted Matt right now. I wanted someone to be there when I cried. I wanted someone to hold me, to tell me that everything really is alright. It seems like Avril Lavigne can be right sometimes.

I turned on my music, getting lost in the familiar beats of heavy metal. I got into this sort of music when my father…L… died.

It was still painful to talk about, to think about. I feel as if nothing can make this memory sweet.

I just wanted Matt right now. I just needed him. The impending day was bringing my old demons out to hurt me again.

I walked back into the kitchen, not even aware of my own surroundings. If they wanted to make out, let them; I don't want to see it.

I looked at the dishes that were piling up with a frown. I started the water off, adding washing up liquid. I stopped it after a while, plunging my hands in the burning water. My eyes watered but I did it regardless. I wanted to feel something, to distract me from my own thoughts.

I heard a throat clearing. I looked behind me and saw Near, a towel around his waist. He looked at me sheepishly.

"Suzu… I kinda hurt." He said, his legs wobbling slightly. Huh. Guess I was wrong. I smiled tenderly at him, walking over to him and letting him rest on me for support.

"I don't have anything, I'm afraid. Sorry. Just…" I paused for a moment, switching to whispering. "Pretend you're really really sick and then he'll coddle you."

Near looked at my incredulously. Then, a sly smile slowly formed on his face.

"Sounds like a good plan." Near said, before saying something melodramatic.

Mello rushed in like the father of an expectant mother.

"Are you okay? Near! Near? I'm so sorry!" He mumbled into his hair when he drew him into an embrace.

Near reassured him quietly, moving for a kiss. At this point, I walked quickly out of the room, heading for my own once again. It was the only place that smells like Matt, that helps remind me that It's not one of those dark days.

It's not…right?

I hugged my favourite pillow, the smell comforting. What could I do? I'm waiting for Matt…

But he's not here…

Three days later

I felt as if my world had fallen apart for the second time. Matt was gone. Where he had gone is anyone's guess. He's probably dead.

I'm loving the macabre thoughts I have about my lover. Jeez, I always think he's dead if he's out for more than a few days.

This time, though, is different. I mean, he hasn't texted me or anything. And…to make it worse….

…

…

This is the day. This is _that _day. The death of my father. I suppose I'd better get my shoes on, and go visit Wammy's house first. That's where his first grave is, anyways. His real grave was in a cemetery not far from there. I guess the kids wanted to remember him as their saviour, so they gave him two graves.

I hadn't cremated him. He had no will, and I didn't want to talk to ashes. It would be a lot better for me if I could talk to the body.

Plus, I wanted to get buried next to him. I'd be like a family reunion.

Hmm, I still wonder about my mother occasionally. L would never talk about her. He…got a look on his face.

I do wonder though. I'll probably live my whole life and not know who she is.

I sighed. First, I would go to Wammy's house, then my father's grave. Who knows? Maybe I'll discover some leads on the way there.

I jumped into the car I wasn't old enough to drive. It was actually Mello's, and he wasn't old enough to drive either. Oh, the irony. I don't think Mello will mind, especially because I left a note on his chocolate and he's sucking face anyways.

I switched it from neutral, forcing it into reverse and then first. I pressed on the accelerator lightly, knowing I was only moments away from the house in the first place. I could've walked, but I didn't want to. I might be jumped.

Anything could happen.

I turned right at the lights, going through an amber light. I wanted to be there in a hurry.

I pulled outside of the massive mansion, parking behind it. There was resident parking. I'm a former resident, so it should be okay if I use it for a little bit.

After three attempts, I finally managed to park the car properly. I walked around to the front entrance and knocked before letting myself in. I was greeted by Roger, who was just about to open the door. He gave me a quick hug. Sometimes, it was like he was my grandfather.

"Ah, Suzume! I thought you would be here… you all alone again?" Roger asked. I nodded.

"It'll be nice for a silent vigil." I spoke quietly, my voice sorrowful. I barely recognised it as my own. Roger nodded solemnly before leading me to… that place.

We walked through the spacious gardens to the side of the mansion. We walked for what seemed like an eternity before coming upon the rose bushes that framed my father's grave. Roger nodded and left me to prune some bushes.

I sat on the ground, dirt leaving brown streaks on my clothes. I said nothing, did nothing. Well, I cried. The tears burst forth, as with the other anniversaries.

"L… you died for a noble cause. Please, please don't let Matt follow the same fate." I begged the tombstone, as if his opinion could change the course of the future. I put my hands on the ground, as if I could hug the deceased person within. Of course, there wasn't actually anyone there. But it sure felt like it.

I wiped my eyes, the emotions sliding behind the wall I had put up once again.

"I have a letter for you. You can't read it until you reach your next destination. And no I can't tell you who wrote it." Roger said, handing me a slip of paper. It was cold.

It was as cold as the air was becoming. I shivered slightly, wishing I had brought one of Matt's warm coats.

In reality, I wished I had brought Matt; or at least had the opportunity to.

I thanked Roger, making idle chat on the way back to my car. I hopped in, my face set.

Here was the real test. Now, I would be able to cry freely.

Now I would be able to tell L about everything that had happened. Even if he couldn't really hear me, it made me feel better.

Also, I would see Watari as well. I can't lose…

I can't lose… anymore than I have

I parked the car and stepped out, making my way to the heart of the cemetery. I always went and sat near the memorial statue for a while before doing anything. It was peaceful, and the flowers were beautiful.

I looked at the letter I held in my hand. My hand was shaking and my body trembling. I was cold and nervous.

I wanted Matt's arms around me more than anything.

I opened the letter, reading it. My eyes widened.

I felt arms wrap around me from behind, breath hot on my ear.

I leant into the arms, smiling.

"Matt!" I yelled, suddenly hugging him tighter. He laughed and tightened the embrace, kissing my hair as I wept into his jacket. I shivered, the cold still eating away at me.

He drew me into his lap, kissing away my tears as they made cold, wet trails down my cheeks. His warmth engulfed me, as I caught his familiar scent.

"Suzume… I love you so much." Matt said, capturing my lips slowly. He gave me an open-mouthed kiss, his love for me pouring out in that one gesture of affection. I broke the kiss first, breathing heavily.

"I…I love you too. I love you too much I think. I was so worried about you! Where were you?" I asked hurriedly, my voice quivering.

Matt smiled. Didn't he remember what day it was? This is no day for smiling! Maybe… he must've remembered. Otherwise he wouldn't have known where I would go and where I would be.

Matt took my hand in his, pouring warmth and love to me from his fingertips.

"Just follow me." Matt whispered, in a voice that resounded with trust. I nodded, allowing him to lead us through the graveyard. He stopped in front of my father's grave, gazing at it sadly.

I…Why aren't I sad? Shouldn't I be sad? My… L…he's dead.

So why aren't I sad?

Matt took my hand, getting onto one knee. Then, he cleared his throat.

"Okay… so I want to turn this day into something to remember, in a nice way. I hate seeing you sad, Suzu. And also, this way I guess I can get your father's blessing. And Watari's. Anyways, I'm babbling. I always was good at rambling, huh?" Matt ran a nervous hand through his scarlet hair, his emerald eyes twinkling.

"So…I guess what I'm asking… Suzume Aika Lawliet… will you marry me?" He asked, his eyes hesitantly.

I pulled him to his feet, kissing him on the lips reverently.

I laughed wantonly.

"Of course."

He picked me up, hugging me, spinning me in a circle. I laughed along with him.

Not even the cold could ruin this moment.

I woke up in the middle of the night, my fiancé's arms tight around my waist. I kissed his hair with a smile

I stared at the beautiful ring on my finger, wondering how he knew me so well. Well, the letter proves how well he knows me; I'd keep it forever. I looked at the letter one last time before falling into one of many peaceful slumbers.

_Dear Suzume…_

_I'm about to hug you. Don't get scared. _

_~Matt._

_P.S: I love you_

Finis


End file.
